nomad? I prefer follower of Jesus

What we do.

2012-01-30T14:06:00.000-08:00

When someone asks me what I do, the normal and quick response is to say that I direct summer camps and after school programs for kids in underprivileged and low-resource communities. If I still have the interest of the speaker, which I usually do, I usually begin to explain how youth are trained by UrbanPromise Honduras to teach and lead the children in these programs and I explain what classes are given on a normal basis: English, Bible, Art, Discovery, Cooking and Health. While I share these basic details, faces of children in our programs fly through my head and visions of miraculously wonderful classes being taught by youth play in my mind.

One such story that occurred this week in camp involves a young boy named Douglas. While signing Douglas up for this vacation camp, Camp Libertad, he was timid to say the least. From the first day of camp, Douglas has participated in activities and gone through the motions of camp, but it was rare to see a smile on his face or a great deal of excitement on his part during any crazy camp activity. I chalked it up to a normal dose of "pena" (bashfulness common among children in the underprivileged communities) because he's new to our programs and decided to give him time.

It appears that time and a Creative Stories option at camp was all he needed. This week, three of our leaders led a week-long Options class on creative stories in which they read stories, acted them out, created alternative endings, and drew representations of them as a group. Our leaders assigned roles to the children in the class before beginning a story and the children jumped into action as the story demanded it, especially Douglas. All week long, my ears have been filled with the voices of excited leaders sharing about how much and how well Douglas is participating as the various characters in the stories, how much he is coming out of his shell, and how impressive it is to hear him read aloud. During various stories, Douglas transforms into Prince Charming or the lead rooster. During the Creative Stories option within Camp Libertad, Douglas transforms into a different child with a different attitude.

In my heart of hearts, I know my quick answer about what I do is nowhere near complete and doesn’t actually speak to the full impact UPH is having on the children and the community. I believe improving the explanation means improving the verbs. Through stories like Douglas', my eyes are opened to the fact that I'm blessed to direct programs the provide creative outlets to children in underprivileged communities. We are blessed to see bashful children transformed as they act out children's stories in a safe space. We equip youth to lead and serve children and their communities and we inspire them to be better, stronger people who deserve the title "leader". This is what we are privileged to do.

Mentor - Mentee - Future Mentees

2011-11-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

First of all, I can't take credit for noticing what is going on in this picture. Jason, the intern/long-term volunteer from St. Andrew's University in Scotland is the one who brought it all to my attention.

This is a picture of Melissa, one of our youth, at the most recent pilot program, a sports camp. She is right in the thick of it, doing her job. She is with the kids. She is participating. She is having a good time doing it. What's even cooler than seeing a youth caught doing her job well is catching her mentor watching her off in the distance with a pleased look on her face. If you look closely, Rachel, the Youth Director for UPH, is in the background, watching the action. It is a perfect progression of what the UPH program hopes to be. Adults pouring into youth, equipping them to then pour into children so that we may become a community from which servant leaders step forth.

God is up to big things here in Copan. I'm blessed to be a part of it.

El Pequeñito Fer

2011-10-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

There's something about two big brown eyes set in a young smiling pudgy face that my heart can't resist. Little Fernando participated in our third pilot program last week. He darts around the room with energy like a firecracker and is actually too young to have participated in our program. Don't let his miniature size fool you though--he catches on to games and activities sometimes faster than the older kids and fearlessly runs and plays with all the campers twice his size.

He's in Kindergarten and our programs are for children in 1st through 6th grades. However, he was signed up on the same form as his older sister and slipped through my lines of defense with his toothless grin and the excited twinkle in his eyes. Once I realized that we had a stow-away in our camp, it was too late to tell him to leave because he was already part of the camp family. So, I decided it was only appropriate to give him a special name--after all, he was a special addition to the camp. From the beginning, he was known as "El Pequeñito Fer".

I thoroughly enjoyed watching him soak up every activity with wonder and excitement. There's something special about the youngest children who participate in these pilot programs. I look at them and see them as the first set of kids who could possibly go completely through school while simultaneously going through our programs. I think about how the trajectory of their lives will change from the extra love, attention, and support.

On the last day of camp, it occurred to me that perhaps El Pequeñito Fer didn't like being called pequeñito (small). Maybe he wanted to be called big or strong, perhaps El Gran Fer. I stooped down as he was punching out holes in his craft and asked him about it. He looked up at me, obviously confused by the question. He was El Pequeñito Fer, why would he want to be anything else?

"I'm a STAR!"

2011-09-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

One of the first rules of classroom management is that you should save your "loud voice. At camp, when we want to get the kid's attention, it does no good to yell. Instead of yelling, one of the leaders or I will stand up front and put our finger on our nose. The children know that once they see a leader with their finger on their nose that they need to stop what they're doing, face front, and not be the last one to do it. The last child to be quiet and have his finger on his nose has to come up front, face his classmates, and do a star jump (crouch down and then jump up and explode, yelling, "I'm a STAR!").

Most of the children in latin america are what we call penosos or bashful and for this reason, a star jump is enough motivation to get the children to quiet quickly when they see a leader with his finger on his nose. However, this week, there was a group of children who enjoyed coming up front to do the star jumps. Some would wait and purposely be the last to put their finger on their nose and others would come up front to do the star jump even if they weren't the last.

The last day of Pilot II, I think the youth leaders felt they needed a better task for the last child with his finger on his nose and they started making them do push-ups! I had been on the side taking care of something and walked over and saw little Manuel doing push-ups along side Alexis, one of the leaders for the week. This continued for the rest of the day and was actually very effective.

Loving Copan, one kid at a time.

2011-09-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Rigo had been giving us trouble since the first day of our pilot program. He had stuck out immediately as one of the young boys who was going to need extra attention and discipline.

After having sent him home for behavior problems on the second day of camp, he came back as the team was cleaning at the end of the day and the children had been dismissed. He reluctantly stood in the doorway of the church, first watching the youth sweep and mop, and then decided to help. The LiderJovenes, glad for the help, mopped happily alongside him.

As one leader, Aura, noticed him helping, she went and moved his name on the discipline chart from “Sent Home” to “You’re Doing Great!”, a change from the absolute bottom to the top. After cleaning, Rigo started walking away from the church. Aura gathered the LiderJovenes together to yell their thanks to him. He turned around with a smile and waved.

The other LiderJovenes dispersed and Aura remained in the doorway, watching Rigo walk away. He had a notable spring in his step that had not been there earlier, especially after being sent home. Aura turned to me with a concerned look on her face and shared, “You know? I don’t think Rigo has known much love in his life. I really think that’s what he needs more than anything else.” She paused a moment, set her jaw as if she were making a promise to show him love, and turned on her heels to gather her bag to go.

I was amazed at the sensitivity and insight that Aura showed in that moment. I was touched by her concern and care for a boy most would dismiss as disruptive and frustrating. I was impressed by her maturity and dedication to the children and community after only two days with them.

Having pilot programs is exciting as a sign of growth and stability in UrbanPromise Honduras. It’s encouraging because it means we’re moving forward. Having pilot programs is exciting because it gives us an opportunity to extend our reach into different communities and get to know the Rigos, learn of their needs, and show them much needed love, even if only a week at a time.

Independence!

2011-09-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Today is Honduran Independence Day. September 15th, 1821, Honduras, along with the rest of Central America, gained their independence from Spain. Subsequently, they became part of the Mexican empire for 17 years before becoming their own republic.

In Copan Ruinas, it is celebrated annually with all the school children parading through the center park with HUGE drums and marching bands. Some are dressed up in typical garb, some are in typical marching band outfits, some are simply in their school uniforms marching with their classes. The whole town comes out to see the parade. For weeks before Independence Day, drums and xylophones can be heard nightly at least until ten o'clock as the groups from the different schools perfect their beats.

For me, one of the most exciting parts of the parade is recognizing the children as they march. I found out today that it isn't Honduran custom to yell out to children and wave as they pass. In fact, we were slightly being jeered at by those standing around us. I decided not to care what the locals thought and clapped and cheered for all the kids I knew, snapping shots and making a scene like my mother did for us as children.

The picture here is of Brayan, one of the kids from Camp Hope. He's in 4th grade at Amigos, a private Christian school in town, and takes a LOT of pride in his drumming. For the past few weeks his attendance at camp has been inconsistent mostly because he's been practicing his drumming and going to team practices every afternoon. He goes all out. He's got a great sense of rhythm and as he drums you can tell that he loves it. His mother, naturally, is very proud of him as well.

Two months [to the day!]

2011-09-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

Many apologies my dear friends who apparently DO read my blog. Suffice it to say that the past two months have been a whirlwind of summer camp, interns, short-term teams, wrap-ups, vacations, and now, shifting gears and taking off with AfterSchool Program Pilots. OH and a whole lot of wedding planning peppered in between it all. There really is no way to cover up the whole summer in one blog, so I won't. I'll focus on one part: Camp Peace.

UPH put on two bilingual vacation camps this summer, Camp Peace and Camp Joy. Camp Joy has been running since 2009 and this is the first time Camp Peace has run. I was responsible for setting up the details for both camps prior to July and directing Camp Peace once our interns and the other director, Jimmy, got here.

I had a team of 5 college-aged interns and 6 bilingual high schoolers to ran all the classes and were really the hands and feet of camp. And my job was to manage this 12-person team. Being a director is a very different experience than being a teacher or intern at a camp, mostly because I wasn't in one place consistently and I had a lot of administrative stuff to think about versus the day-to-day planning that the interns did. I learned a lot and was stretched as a leader in these two months. Being a good servant leader is not just about getting everyone to do their job and making sure people know what to do, but rather drawing the leadership out of people, seeing potential in people before they even see it and helping them realize that potential. I know this now, but that doesn't mean I'm great at it. Haha. It just means that I know part of what needs to be refined in me as a leader now. :)

It was a great summer at Camp Peace. Our team gelled really well and the kids of Camp Peace had a blast. I love my interns and miss them a lot. I love the kids of Camp Peace and miss them a lot.

BUT NOW I get to look ahead and start a new site... long-term relationships, long-term growth, long-term commitment... If I can become so attached to a group of people after only four weeks, just imagine how it will be after years!

interns

2011-07-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday evening, the summer interns for UPH arrived in Copan Ruinas. With all the planning and preparing that has been done, it never fully sunk into me the task that was before me as it pertains to these interns.

Wednesday night, we all met for dinner and ate baleadas while we exchanged pleasantries and tried to start getting to know the people who would be with us for the next 6 weeks. As far as my conversations went, no really deep topics were hit and I didn't learn great amounts of information about anyone. I just tried to learn their names as best I could.

As I walked home from dinner, as I went to bed, and as I walked into work the next morning, Rick and Tammie Romano continually came to mind. Seeing the interns, their wide, expectant eyes, unknowing what experiences lay before them this summer, I was reminded of my intern experience in Mexico. As I thought more and more about how Rick and Tammie poured into us as interns, challenged and corrected us, I realized that God was now handing me an opportunity to be used as they were. I recognize that God gets the glory for all change and growth in me in my time as an intern, but I also recognize that God used two very useful tools in the form of the Romanos. My heart is humbled and elated at the same time, knowing that God has awesome blessings, growth, challenges and joys in store for these interns, and realizing that I get to be a part of that process!

For all intents and purposes, I am the interns' "boss" in so far as their experience pertains to camp. As I looked at them, I realized that God was not giving me an opportunity to have authority over people, but to walk along with them and be used by him as he stretches and molds them more into his image this summer.

The word stewardship keeps coming to mind as I think about what lies ahead. Stewardship of blessings, stewardship of skills, stewardship of gifts, stewardship of what has been entrusted to me. My prayer is to be a good, wise steward of this task that God has entrusted to me. I don't take this lightly--there are people's lives and God's plans involved.

Please be praying for me as I step into this new role (really starting tomorrow). Pray that I would lead with the heart and mind of Christ and that I would be willing to be molded and stretched along with the team of interns assigned to me.

happy birthday doña maría

2011-06-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

carla (on the right) and her family live across the street from our office. carla is a "host mom" for students who come to copan to study spanish and also runs an informal catering business out of her house (two weeks ago i went with her to serve meals to a WorldVision group who was doing a training here -- reminded me of serving food to the groups with Tomasa in Mexico). almost every volunteer who has come through copan to work with UPH has stayed or eaten at carla's house. she has a mothering spirit and loves having people in her house like a revolving door. she teases and jokes and just plain has a good time when people are around.

doña maría (on the left), carla's mom, turned 64 today. she lives with carla and is an opinionated, hard-core catholic, hard-working, wonderful woman who speaks VERY quickly. just about all the gringos i've talked to say that they never understand her. for some reason, she's taken a liking to me. she gives me hugs and kisses when i see her and calls me chula and preciosa (both very nice things). today she turned 64 and she is sporting a new dress that her son sent her from the US. I must say, she looks pretty sassy!

both of these woman make my days here happy. they show me love and i am thankful that God placed them right across the street from the office so that i get to see them almost every day. it's nice to have these lovely women around.

animalito

2011-06-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

The rainy season has commenced. in rainy season, the frogs and toads of Copan and the surrounding area come out to play. Because EVERYTHING is wet after it rains, they can go virtually anywhere and be safe. Unfortunately, though, they have a tendency to get themselves into places when it's wet, the places dry, and then they have no way of getting back to water.

Last night, we got back to the office after 8 from a youth event. It had rained cats and dogs earlier. I walked into the front room to turn on the lights for a friend. I switched the light on and turned around, greeted by this little frog staring at me from on top of Rachel's travel mug. He was so still that I couldn't figure out if he was plastic and a practical joke. BUT, a friend decided to try to TOUCH him and wound up jumping off the cup and onto the wall. He wound up on the screen of another friend's camera... which is how this picture came to be.

All in all... it was interesting and something I had never seen before! OH... and we got him back outside to safety. Fear not.

cafe yat b'alam

2011-06-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

on a semi-regular basis, the electricity in Copan Ruinas goes. sometimes it's due to rain and storms, sometimes it's due to scheduled maintenance, sometimes no one has any clue as to why we don't have electricity for days at a time. today is one of those days.

days that i work, this causes a bit of a hardship, so most of the staff packs up and comes to yat b'alam. here, they have a generator (so we can plug in our computers and their router works, so there's internet capabilities) and just as important, their internet company has a generator (which means they are able to transmit the internet here... to the router here... to my computer here...). it's amazing how many things need to come together in order for internet to work. so many things that we take advantage of in the US.

the cafe is "open air", as most places are here in Copan. there's a nice balcony/patio area that's right on the street and a VERY friendly staff who I think I am beginning to regard as friends. :)

the UPH team has off this week and everyone (except me) went home to the states or canada. in all honesty, i have mixed feelings about being here "on vacation" by myself, but i'm hoping to take full advantage of the time to get settled in my new apartment and relax before the craziness of summer and bilingual camp descends upon me.

this afternoon i'm heading out to a "free garage sale" as the bilingual school teachers are heading out after their year of service. they leave behind all the things they either don't want, don't need, or just plain can't fit in their suitcases... us UPH-ers get to pick through for things we need. this comes at an especially convenient time for me since i'm just setting up shop. i'm sad to see my new friends depart, but i'm VERY thankful for their generosity!

[currently reading] Utopia, Thomas More

2011-06-05T06:27:00.001-07:00

One of the blessings about being in a small town with few options for social night life is that I catch up on reading I've been meaning to do for years. I picked this book up from a second-hand book store, or maybe even a rummage sale years ago and I've carted it around with me from place to place, promising myself I would read it. I have a secret love for it borne out of my love for the movie EverAfter (Drew Barymore quotes this book and my interest was sparked). So yesterday, after the usual Saturday cleaning, I cozied up with Utopia on my couch, enjoying a nice cross breeze between the front screen door and back door.

Now that I'm an adult and read for pleasure and not because my Hon. English III teacher is telling me to, I took the liberty and risk of reading the introduction. I'm not an introduction kind of person. In high school, when it was our assignment to read it, I never did because I thought it was a waste of time. I'm also the type to not read instructions before putting things together. If it looks easy enough, I just start piecing (I'm a hands-on learner).

This is what I've learned: READ THE INTRODUCTIONS! Although it was a good 30 pages, I enjoyed every moment of it. It included historical background and theory on the book. It explained the nomenclature and satire behind a great portion of More's work. It delved into what other books came to be that are similar to this, books that I would have never guessed to be a part of the same genre, books that I now also want to read. My understanding and appreciation for the actual book itself has been heightened exponentially because of the background information the introduction afforded me.

It's a wonder to me that I'm just now figuring this out. I am deeply sorry Ms. Gellar-Clark (Hon English III teacher) for not participating in that portion of the reading and lesson. I would have been a far better student had I read the introductions.

The funny thing is that I know I am the kind of person that likes background. When listening to sermons, I greatly appreciate it when the preacher puts the story or biblical passage in CONTEXT. Context adds volumes to understanding and analysis. Why should these books be any different?

Thank you Paul Turner (author of intro and translator of text from LATIN). I am a smarter person for having read your introduction. You are quite an intelligent human being.

pila [PEE-lah]

2011-05-31T06:12:00.001-07:00

Here in Honduras, I have three options when it comes to laundry: 1) take it to the laundry lady [she weighs it and charges by the pound], 2) let it stay dirty [not the best smelling option], or 3) wash it myself by hand in the pila.

When I was here last year, I looked at the pila, recognizing it because we had one on our back porch in Mexico, but I had NO idea how to use it, nor did I know what it's called. Thankfully, Rachel, one of my co-workers, had lived in Ecuador for a number of years before coming here, so she knew quite well how to use a pila and graciously taught me.

Coming back to Honduras 3 weeks ago, I was planning on washing my own clothes. So far, my Saturday mornings consist of washing all the clothes I can fit on my two little clothes-lines on my back porch. Normally, all the clothes from the week don't fit, so I wind up having to wash Saturday night or Sunday morning as well, once the first round dries.

I've had a few adventures with my pila, even in the short time I've been using it. The first week, as I was getting used to the whole routine again, I wound up splashing water all over my back neighbors. The next week, as I was filling the basin, about a thousand small ants came pouring out of one of the corners. I'm guessing the basin hadn't been filled for a LONG time and the ants had happily set up their colony within the concrete. I wasn't sure whether to be disgusted at the sheer number of ants, or simply amazed. Either way, it was memorable.

getting cozy

2011-05-25T16:15:00.001-07:00

i've hit the two-week mark, and yet it feels like i've been here forever [in a good, comfortable way]. i know where to shop, i know the names of the store owners. people know me on the street, and we greet each other as we pass.

i've been working on getting information, curriculum, and registration together for the two bilingual camps for UPH. youth come in and say hello, start conversations, ask questions. children stop by to visit after school before they head home for lunch. they give us bone-crushing hugs, and it's great.

my desk has my fingerprints all over it. i've made it mine. i gaze up at pictures of family, friends, and fiancée. i have it organized in a way that makes me comfortable. i'm getting cozy.

there have been quite a few days, while "taking care of business" that i stop short and think "this is my job. i'm working right now." and then i am exceedingly grateful that i get to do this. PRAISE GOD! He has blessed me immeasurably more than i deserve.

contrast

2011-05-14T09:39:00.001-07:00

There's a big difference between life in Copan Ruinas, Honduras and life in Philadelphia, PA. I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for a while, but adjustments are never without their challenges.

Here, instead of battling with landlords about moldy bathrooms, the whole town battles with day-long power outages after storms so the electrical company can fix the lines (apparently this happens once a week). Instead of learning local highways and street names, here I'm learning the locations and main points of reference to be able to follow people's directions to a new place. In Philly, your water gets turned off when your landlord decides not to pay the bill, here, the water comes and goes without warning, having nothing to do with whether or not you paid, but more the whims of those in charge of the water. The contrast is stark, but anticipated, which makes it easier.

I've hit the ground running with the UPH team and will be working on a pretty steep learning curve as I prepare for two bilingual camps set to run in July. I'm excited to be here and the team of UPH staff and volunteers is a great, God-seeking, people-loving group. They know what it is to work, live, and play in community, not being perfect, but working things out in love. I know that being a part of this group will force me to grow in a million areas.

In an effort to keep posts consistent and short, I will give you more details about life and work in Copan Ruinas another week. :)

mom's surprise :)

2011-05-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, we surprised my mom with a party for her 60th birthday. Anyone who knows my mother, knows that she looks AMAZING for 60, and therefore I have no qualms about openly sharing her age. [I hope she feels the same!]

We children had been planning this event since January of this year and felt quite proud that she had NO idea that we had planned it. We told her on Friday when she got home from school that she wasn't going to be working at Sal & Joe's and that "we kids wanted to do something special for her". The look of shock on her face told us that it all came as a complete surprise. There has been so much going on lately with family parties, Kristianna's return to the US and my upcoming [tomorrow!] departure, that she was way to preoccupied with all that to even begin to suspect anything was up.

It was a lovely evening of eating, songs (written for my mom), laughter, reminiscing, and making new memories with family and friends. My mom is pretty awesome. I'm really glad we were able to pull this off for her.

comprometida

2011-05-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

This week's photo was easy. :) Fausto and I got engaged on Friday night down at Ocean City, New Jersey on the 18th St beach. It was wonderful. We got to spend the whole day Saturday celebrating and hanging out on the beach and the boardwalk. It was really nice to spend time just the two of us and then get to celebrate with family on Sunday! The "Best wishes!" and "Congratulations" have been pouring in and we're both really excited for this next step.

A lot of people have asked me, after congratulating me, if I'm still going to Honduras since I'm engaged now.... the answer is a resounding YES! Fausto and I are hoping to get married within the next year and a half, at which point he will come down to Honduras and we'll spend our first married years there.

That's the plan now. We were just talking about James 4:13-15

¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

We're working on logistics of the imminent long-distance relationship. Our hope and plan is to be together soon in Honduras and we ask for your prayers and God's blessing on these plans. We both feel called to serve the people in Honduras and we pray that God would grant us these desires of our hearts.

beg/borrow/steal

2011-04-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of people out there who are doing "a photo a day" blogs and they do it for a large variety of reasons: some artistic, some documentary, some just for fun. My friend, Jimmy Hayes, is doing a photo-a-day blog while living in NYC and it's pretty cool.

Borrowing/stealing from Jimmy, I've decided that a photo-a-week would help me keep up the blogging and keep people updated on my life abroad and here in the states.

Last night I got to spend some over-due time with Kara McClure (affectionately known as K'Mc). We went and listened to Handel's Messiah at 10th Pres in Philly and it was extremely moving.

Afterward, we met up with Fausto for some eats. Fausto had previously introduced me to vietnamese food, specifically Pho. [If you're not a vegetarian and haven't eaten it, run to the nearest vietnamese restaurant].

Fausto and I have since become slightly addicted to pho and bubble tea smoothies. Avocado is actually the best. So while looking for a place to sit and chat last night (after getting my last Pat's cheesesteak in Philly), we wound up at the Pho Café on 11th & Washington. A great ending to a wonderful evening.

countdown

2011-04-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

The past month has been a whirlwind of preparations, packing, goodbyes, questions, meetings, and emotions. I've moved out of my house in Philly [i miss my jklmn girls] and I'm back in Moorestown with Ma Burris. I end work at Center City Crime Victim Services in a week and then it will be time to really finish packing, and perhaps even sending off some stuff via USPS.

I sold my car on Monday and then rode my bike to a doctor's appointment yesterday. Baby steps. :)

I don't have much time to update on small details right now, BUT suffice it to say that fundraising for UPH is going to be my main concern starting next week (once I'm not working full time). So in light of that -- here's a link to a UPH fact-sheet that you may find interesting as you [possibly] think or pray through supporting the ministry monthly.

Untitled

A chance to do something

2011-03-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that Honduras is the second poorest country in Central America with over half the population living below the poverty line? Honduras also has the lowest graduation rate for students in secondary schools in Latin America and only 2% of youth will graduate from university. While this paints a bleak picture, I’m excited to share with you an opportunity to do something--an opportunity to infuse the lives and futures of Honduran students with hope.

Personally, I’ve felt a burden to act since my first experiences in Latin America, 9 years ago. As time has progressed, I have become more aware of the connection between lack of education, community development and poverty. In addition to awareness, my understanding of how to respond has developed as well.

Six years ago, while on a mission trip to Reynosa, Mexico, I stayed at a mission where young girls came after school for help with school work. The girls came diligently every day and were supported in their studies and their faith. When I saw how the Christian community in Reynosa came alongside those students, I knew that was the direction God was taking me. I knew that I was being called to respond to seemingly hopeless circumstances by investing in children and youth in Latin America to equip them academically, socially, and spiritually for life’s challenges.

In May of 2009, Urban Promise Honduras initiated full-time work in Copan Ruinas, using the Urban Promise model and holistic approach of implementing After School Programs, Summer Programs, and Leadership Development in under-resourced communities. In September 2009, I traveled to Copan Ruinas and served as a volunteer with UPH in their first After School Program, Camp Hope. While serving with UPH, I witnessed an effective response to poverty and apparent hopelessness. I saw and experienced first-hand the restorative power that comes from empowering children and youth to take hold of life, learn responsibility, discipline, and values of the Christian faith.

Urban Promise Honduras has grown and developed since 2009, and is now taking steps to launch a second After School Program site in another neighborhood of Copan Ruinas. This especially is exciting for me because it has opened up a long-term position on the Urban Promise Honduras team to serve as Director of this new After School Program, starting this May. As I write this letter to you, my mind is bouncing in a million directions, dreaming of the possibilities, opportunities and hopes to come for and through this new Program.

I want to invite you to pray through how you could respond to what God is doing through this ministry. I would like you to consider partnering and supporting this new After School Program and the ministry of Urban Promise Honduras. I’m responding by going down to serve. How could God be calling you to respond?

If you'd like more information about UrbanPromise Honduras, click here for their website and click here for information on how to donate.

on [the other side of] skype

2010-10-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know... Kristianna [my dear little sister] is in Brazil!

She's teaching English and loving it. She got a job shortly after arriving there and I'm not surprised at all to report that her face lights up when she talks about the lessons she's planning and how she gets to interact with her student (she just has one right now to whom she gives private lessons). I'm quite happy for her. It sounds like this is going to be an amazing adventure.

I got to chat with her via skype the other day and it was wild to be the one state-side. I found myself asking her a lot of the questions I remember getting, and I had to chuckle. And it made me miss being abroad.

I've been asked a lot lately whether or not I have plans to go abroad again. I can't really answer that yet, mostly because nothing is in the works per se. However, I DO know that the desire to go is there, and I just have to wait for God to open the door, or maybe I need to listen a little better to what He's telling me to do. Either way, it's definitely on my heart, I just don't know where the next stop on this journey is!

she did come...

2010-09-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

just because i know everyone is waiting on the edge of their seats... Natalia did come. :) She's great. :) You should all come meet her. And hear about Russia.

The end.

9 months!

2010-09-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

Don't get too excited ladies and gentlemen... I've not been dating anyone for 9 months, but rather, have had a steady, "adult" job for the past 9 months. Today is my 9-month anniversary with CCCVS. You can check us out at www.cccvs.org (shameless plug).

Crazy, huh? Today, last year, I had left Mexico and I was on a plane to head down to the unknown in Honduras. I jumped into a van with 3 people I didn't know and got caught in a TON of traffic because of protests to the Honduran government.

Today, this year, I am supposed to be getting a Russian roommate (Natalia), who unfortunately has not shown up! We (JKLMN) are slightly worried, but hoping she meant 830 PM and not AM as we had originally thought.

Here's to hopin' she gets here.

echando a perder se aprende

2010-08-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

through conversation with a variety of people, it is decidedly so that i am not mexican [we all knew that], but neither am i entirely gringa. therefore i am a hybrid of the two, making me mexi-gringa.

this mexi-gringa likes to think she can cook mexican food. and people, let me tell you that cooking mexican food [cooking it the long, hard way that Tomasita cooks it] is QUITE the undertaking.

I wish I'd taken pictures to be able to add to this post, but alas, my words will have to suffice.

I tried my hand at making flautas last week and I still wonder what Tomasa would have said if she had tasted them. I thought they were decent. A little burnt, but decent. Apparently they are never [ever] made with ground beef, or ground turkey [which is what i used], but with pulled chicken. They are also supposed to be cooked to a golden color [flautas are also known as tacos dorados aka golden tacos], and mine turned out more brownish than golden. No matter the color, I still maintain that for a first try flying solo, I did ok. [but i'm not Tomasa]

Then there's the beans... well they're a different story. You'd think that after a year of eating beans and rice I'd know how to cook me some beans. Apparently not. They were extremely salty. Extremely salty. Turns out you're not supposed to put knorr suiza [aka chicken stock] in the water when you cook beans. It's only a little salt, half an onion, and a little oil. Somehow, I left Mexico thinking that no Mexican dish is complete without knorr suiza. ::Sorry T-girl. I messed this one up big-time.::

With these culinary failures under my belt, I think I've proven that I am much more gringa than mexican. Perhaps it's a 85-15 breakdown. oh well. But even with salty beans, I still have hope because my favorite line Tomasa used on me regularly was "echando a perder se aprende" [you learn by/through ruining things] -- similar to our "practice makes perfect" line, but sounds much more fun in español.

[compassion > human judgement]

2010-08-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

One thing that has been on my mind lately, is another passage from "Spotting the Sacred" by Bruce Main, which could very well be seen as controversial. I want to preface it with a quick anecdote of something that happened at work a couple months back:

A victim of a group assault was on the stand and being cross-examined by the defense attorney of her alleged assailant. One of the issues addressed on direct examination was that her [insert expensive label here] purse was stolen, containing her Access card. The defense attorney just couldn't let the detail slip without asking her, "Your testimony is that your [label] bag was stolen, correct? Was that a real [label] bag? And your Access card was inside? I'm sorry I'm just having trouble understanding why you have an Access card if you have enough money to buy a [label] bag," at which point the ADA objected and the judge pressed the defense attorney to move on in his questioning.

I promise I'm not exaggerating the bluntness of the questioning. I was astonished, no, appalled, by the audacity of the defense attorney's willingness to mock the victim as she was giving testimony to a horrible assault and robbery/theft, especially when his line of questioning really had no relevance to the crime.

It got me thinking about my judgmental nature and ideas of justice versus compassion, and then I read this:

Our staff knows that impoverished children can be Academy Award-winning actors. The appear at our programs dressed in ninety-five dollar sneakers and designer jeans and look like they could fit into any upper-middle class community in the country. Their outward appearance sends the message, "I'm cool! I'm not poor!" But the food cupboards are bare, the gas has been turned off, and the rent payments are two months in arrears.

Some critics respond to this "deception" by claiming that "those people" just need to get their priorities right. Those hundred-dollar sneakers could feed a family for a week, maybe two. The money used to purchase those designer jeans could have been used to buy pants for all the children. And the critics are right. Money could be used in more effective ways.

But what they fail to understand is the tremendous stigma attached to poverty--especially in America, where the very rich and the very poor share the universal space of television and shopping malls. The fact that images of affluence are beamed into the living rooms of the poor every night only heightens their pressure not to be seen as poor. Especially young people. They must confront the realities of peer pressure and peer cruelty; they are susceptible to the need to project a false front. It is humiliating to have anyone find out that you are poor.

...

I have never had to beg for crackers. I do not have to spend emotional energy worrying about my next meal. Thus, I have difficulty imagining what it must be like to go through a day of school without food and know that it's likely I'll have no supper. The inability to feel what it is like to be poor worries me, for when we cannot feel something, we can blindly lose our way.

After reading this, the one thought that consistently came to mind was that I am not responsible for judging anyone. The same upside-down logic of the Gospel that tells me to lend money to people when I know for a fact that I won't get it back, also tells me that compassion trumps judgement.

I know it doesn't answer a lot of questions and there are a lot of political debates surrounding this kind of taboo topic, but at the very least, Bruce Main offered a shift of perspective that I think is worth examining.

2010-06-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

I've been back from Mexico for a couple weeks now. Still, one of the fun memories continues to bring a smile to my face:

As Sofia and I were chatting that first Sunday I was there. We were chatting about how surprised Chava was to see me, and I shared how afraid I had been that he would have forgotten me. She put to rest any sort of irrational fear at that moment when she said (in Spanish), "Chava always looks at the picture of you and we ask him, 'Do you know who that is?', and he responds every time, 'That's 'mana Korrny. She loves me.'"

I still really like that. Especially because just about every time I look at his picture up on my wall, I think, "I love him." So it all comes full circle.

Totally aside from Mexico memories, I wanted to share a passage from Spotting the Sacred that has really impacted me and my thoughts lately:

How does one forgive? One can talk about forgiveness and argue for its importance on the basis of Scripture, but how do people forgive those who have hurt them, wronged them, abused them, or done evil against them or their loved ones? How do we move the idea of forgiveness from a theological belief to an action or decision that releases us from the bondage of hatred and anger?

To forgive another person takes a tremendous act of faith, because in forgiving we choose to surrender our need to control a situation to satisfy our longings and intentions. To transfer a situation or an event from our hands into God's takes a faith that goes beyond just lip service.

It may sound trite, but to make that kind of transfer requires one to believe that God has witnessed the wrong and that God will not dismiss that wrong as something trivial or significant. In the process of forgiving we say, "I give this situation to God and believe that in the eternal scheme of things, God's justice and grace will bring about a resolution better than I could ever make." To let go of our need to hit back, talk back, wall people out of our lives, retaliate, humiliate, malign, kill, or do whatever we desire allows us to trust God to bring about results in God's time. That then lifts us out of the realm of the temporal and places us in a realm governed by God. For most of us, no matter how serious we are about our faith, that kind of surrender is incredibly difficult. But it is possible. The results are glorious.

Food for thought....

el gozo no se me acaba

2010-05-31T07:16:00.000-07:00

i'm back in Ensenada for the week. 'nuf said. :)

The pastors are here in the ministry center, still with the same antics. Still with the same carefree joking and teasing. Still drinking coffee and chatting a while before getting to work. Some things never change.

We saw Rick and Tammie on Saturday night when we got in. And the swelling in my heart hasn't gone down since. It's funny how you miss people you love when you're not around them--and goodness knows I've missed them--but it's funny how you almost miss people more right when you see them. Upon seeing them you remember everything you miss about them and how important they are in your life.

I got to go to Faustino and Tomasa's church yesterday. Faustino, in his classic white button-down and dress pants was walking towards the end of his driveway, taking care of business before the service had to start--30-45 min late as usual. But that worked to my advantage because I got to go into the house, see Tomasa, Sofía, and Chava, and spend some time talking to them before I went into church.

I walked back towards the house and the first person I saw was Chava. He turned, saw me, squared off, dropped his jaw, and stood there staring. I think he may have thought I wasn't actually there. He stayed that way until I was right in front of him and scooped him up into my arms. Once I was hugging him, I heard the bubbling giggles. He remembers me. He still loves me.

"I'm happy to be here" doesn't even begin to cover it.

Cruise Control

2010-05-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

As I walked home from work one day this week, I was struck by the thought that my life is amazingly easy right now: I wake up. I go to work. I have a boss who has my best interest at heart, constantly encourages me, and praises me for the work I do. I feel affirmed at work. I leave work and very often do not think about what has happened during the day until 8 the next morning. I have enough money to pay all my bills. I even have money left over to do fun things like fly to Chicago for engagement parties, and smaller things like going out to eat with friends pretty regularly. I am surrounded by people that seek to love and serve the Lord with their lives. I am part of a community of believers.

Nothing in my life really requires a great deal of effort. I'm thankful for all these blessings. I'm thankful that all my needs are met. Yet, in a strange way, I find myself resenting all these blessings. I'm living my life, but I don't feel alive.

It makes me wonder if I'm just looking for something to complain about. Am I just looking for a way to be negative, or is there actually a crucial element missing? I tend to think that it is quite feasible that it's a combination of both. My heart longs for action, for intense purpose, and perhaps even struggle. Struggle, because out of struggle comes growth. Our of struggle comes change. Without the struggle, you're just running your motor and staying in the same place.

My growth and struggle has been linked to my "vocation" for the past few years at least. Living in Mexico and Honduras challenged me on a daily basis, at varying degrees depending on the day. To not have those challenges so blatantly, and, dare I say, easily before me makes life borderline boring.

So now, the question remains: should my life be inherently challenging? Or do I need to go out and seek the challenges? Do I need to actively seek the struggles and growth? Or was it exciting and challenging because I was doing things that I care about so deeply?

I want to feel urgency. I want to feel passion and conviction. God, ignite in me a compassion for the people that surround me. Burn in me a passion for my job. Give me eyes and ears to see and hear the struggles around me. Make me thankful, or tear me down to humble me. I just want to feel something other than apathy.

Need

2010-01-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

"There's something about the poor that delights the heart of God. They're contrite. They know they're in need. What is it about the poor that makes them want to come to Jesus? What is it about the poor that literally brings the Kingdom of God, that allows them to experience the Kingdom of God in a way that [us] well-fed don't? It has to do with hunger. It has to do with their need. They know they need God. They're hungry and thirsty. The Lord wants to cause even the rich, even the middle-class, to be poor in spirit and know that they are in need of Him."

I read this in a book, Always Enough, by Heidi and Rolland Baker. I believe I've mentioned this book in previous posts, and as I read it, it stirs up in me so many questions and desperate desires to see God move here, the way He does in impoverished communities.

As I look at the church in America, and at my own life, I see a staggering lack of passion and faith. I believe Heidi Baker is on to something here, pointing to lives characterized by hunger and need, and linking that to a hunger for God. When you have nothing, no material possessions, you have nothing holding you back, pinning you to this world. There's not much to fling off to be able to wildly chase after Christ.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that poor people have it easy. By no means; especially because I've seen people who have nothing in a constant battle to get more and more "stuff". They struggle with the desire for fortune, a nice car, and a fancy house just like we do. And that's not even mentioning the physical struggle it must be to go without food, water, and basic health. So where is the difference? Why do they need God with such transparency?

Perhaps the difference is that need is present in their lives and not in mine. Perhaps I don't know how to need God because I've never needed anything. Even while living in Mexico and Honduras, my every need was filled, and I never was in want. Plainly, I don't know how to need because I've never really had to. But these people Heidi Baker talks about know need to the very core of their being. They know need on a daily basis. They know how to ache for something. So when it comes to needing God, they know the kind of ache the psalmists write about.

I know I need God, but is that need present in my everyday life? I want to feel that need because I think joy and passion in connecting with Jesus is a direct result of that deeply-rooted need. So now the issue stands: how do I go about getting that passion here, where I have no need for anything else? Is it a perspective change? Is it a life-style, spending change? Is it a basic heart change?

I'm not sure what is required, but I think Mrs. Baker makes a compelling argument here.

Who do you love?

2010-01-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

"... the chief motivation behind Paul's service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be quickly defeated and broken-hearted, since often we will be confronted with a great deal of ingratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, not amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another."

I read this quote last night as I skimmed through my journal from a missions trip to Mexico in 2003. I (obviously) did not write this, but must have read it in one of the devotionals from the trip and copied it into my journal. Good thing, because I definitely no longer have the devotional booklet, but I DO have this journal! ;)

This whole business of motivation for "doing good" could get very cyclical and crazy. If I love people and want to serve them, it is only because I have experienced love from God. But the love for God sometimes is exiled to the back seat, making it no longer the driving force. And this is what whoever wrote this is identifying as a big problem of people who serve.

The point is still painfully fundamental. Christ needs to be at the center of all we do, or it won't work out. Plain and simple. These fundamentals are the kinds of things we graze over most often as cliche and silly, but failure to adhere to these fundamentals seems to be the basis for most of my problems in life. Interesting.

Who says it has to stop?

2010-01-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

This part of my nomadic journey has brought me to the busy courtrooms of Center City, Philadelphia, the smooth highways of suburban New Jersey, and the strikingly white rooms and halls of the First Presbyterian Church of Moorestown. At first, I had myself wrongly convinced, that because of my geographic location, the thrill of following Jesus to the ends of the earth would not exist here. I have come to find that this is not so, and am somewhat ashamed to admit I previously thought otherwise.

Despite my prior misconceptions, I have come to realize that I am still following Jesus to the ends of the earth, and it just so happens that I'm at THIS end of the earth, in the NorthEast of the US, a place I hadn't anticipated would continue to be a part of my journey. Furthermore, I could even say that it is that much sweeter here because I hadn't anticipated it and it is such a shock.

Initially, I found myself longing for the intensity of worship I experienced in Latin America, comparing my current material circumstances to those of my dear friends in Mexico and Honduras, and comparing the desires of my heart between one chapter in life and the next. And as I compared and compartmentalized my experiences, I realized that they are not as separate as I was making them, but amazingly connected because God uses my past to push me into an even greater future.

These are all a lot of vague musings that can be quite simply put as thus: I am certain God has called me back to the US because He wants to teach me something amazing and He has something great for me here. There is no point pining over a past that is not in my immediate future, and I'm better off seeking God where I AM and not where I WANT to be.

Proof of the above:

Since I've been home, a lot of people have told me that I am "glowing", and one even asked if I am in love because I have that glow about me. I laugh each time and wonder what everyone is talking about. It wasn't until I was asked if I was in love that it all made sense. (Stay with me here.) I'm coming off of a year and a half of learning about God in ways I never have before and falling in love with Him in ways I never have before. Like Moses, when he comes down from Mt Sinai (not that I am as great as Moses), my encounter with God shows on my face; my countenance is different because I have experienced God's presence. None of that has to do with geography in the literal sense, but my proximity to God and my faithfulness to Him.

Nothing in the Bible says that I can only worship God with abandon when in Faustino's church, or that I can only live in community at the Second Floor or above Chepe and Lourdes. This spirit-filled life of power and faith directly correlates to my attachment to God, not a place.

So here I go again, starting from what feels like scratch, but this time with my eyes tilted slightly higher, my mind slightly more focused, and heart clinging a little harder to God than before.

¡Field Day!

2009-10-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Every Friday at Camp Hope we have "Friday Fun Day". This week, it was my turn to plan the fun festivities. As I thought about what we could do, I remembered how much fun it was to have Field Day at Baker School as a kid. There was nothing better than running around, racing, doing silly tasks, and getting to act like a wild kid in the middle of a field. I still would venture to say that very little can rival the joy that comes from a day like this, and last Friday is proof of that theory.

After snack, we took the kids out to the soccer field in the community, broke them into teams, and let the games begin! We did all sorts of classic relays, from the balloon hitting race to passing an orange down the line with your neck. One of the most unexpected highlights was having half the community come out and watch as we whooped and hollered and carried on like Maurice Sendak's "Wild Things". And, as the leader of the pack, I was pleasantly surprised at how well the teams calmed down when it was time to move onto the next relay.

Camp isn't just about fun and games, but let's be honest: Field Day definitely was.

Tenemos GOZO

2009-10-14T07:57:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, in Bible class, Matt taught a lesson on gozo (joy). In the lesson, the kids played a game emphasizing that greater joy comes from sharing what you have than selfishly keeping everything for yourself. In the game, they were encouraged to share with one another and each time they shared, they declared, "¡Tengo gozo!" (I have joy!)

Apparently the game was a huge success, because ever since then, each

day during snack, instead of all grabbing the food as it is placed in the middle of the table, and quickly taking as much as they can, the kids calmly take one piece at a time and share the food well, all the while, telling us, "¡Tenemos gozo!" It has become a daily thing, and now the kids even offer to share their snacks with all of us, the leaders.

It brings a smile to my face each time a little hand reaches up offering to share their snack with me, to see how eager they are to share, and to know the strong connection that's been made between sharing and joy. Plainly, me da gozo. ;)

Meeting Dani

2009-10-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

I want to introduce all of you to Dani. He is one of the youngest students in Camp Hope (our after school program). He comes every day in his white collared shirt and blue pants, the official school uniform here in town.

Everyday at Camp Hope, during homework time, we help the kids who have homework and assign homework to those who do not. I had asked Dani what year he was in school, he told me, "First," but the other kids were sure to inform me that he had dropped out of school. I assured him that he's still allowed to be part of the program, even though he's not in school. In my heart, I felt I wanted him to still be a part of the program ESPECIALLY because he's not in school.

For the past two weeks, Dani has been approaching me after Camp, handing me his notebook, and asking for homework, "Pongame tarea en ingles." The following day, he comes in and shows me his homework, asking me to check it, "Reviseme las tareas." He always has them done, although not always properly, but we can go over them in Homework time.

Eventually, I decided to ask Dani why he had dropped out of school. He told me, "La profesora me regañaba mucho." (The teacher scolded me a lot) To me it seemed like a strange reason to drop out of school, but it also became increasingly evident that he needed to be loved and guided.

So everyday we continue to give Dani homework, and try to teach him basic concepts during Homework time and after Camp before he heads home. He's a good kid and wants to learn, he just lacks the basic knowledge and some good encouragement. I really hope he goes back to school in the next term, and I hope he's not deterred by his teasing peers.

Please be praying for Dani and the other students in the program. We want to see them thrive as children and develop to the potential we all know they have--that's the point of the program! I know God can work this situation out and I put my hope in Him for Dani.

Little Milton that COULD!

2009-09-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

Once a week at Camp Hope, we have Discovery class. Discovery can encompass a wide variety of activities, but the main goal is to get the students thinking outside the box. This week was the students' first experience with Discovery and we did the "Tallest Tower" challenge. The students broke into groups of 2 or 3, were given simple supplies, and were told to build a the tallest tower they possibly could that stood on it's own only using the supplies given to them.

At first, the students looked at the paper, tape, popsicle sticks, and straw, and then looked at me with completely blank faces. "Build a tower? But we don't know how!" I told them to just start experimenting and doing whatever they could to turn those things into a tower. Pretty quickly, the class of older students got to work tearing and rolling up the paper, taping things together, and hiding their designs from the competition. When it came time to measure, each group in the older class had a free-standing tower.

For the younger class, this task was a little more daunting. The blank faces didn't change as quickly, and one young boy, Milton, looked up at me and said, "I can't build a tower," in tone that suggested the task was ridiculous. I knelt down next to him and assured him that he could, be he continued to insist that it was impossible. He and his partner, Alduvin started to fold the paper with doubtful looks on their faces, and each time I passed by them, Milton looked up at me and reminded me, "I can't build a tower!". Each time, I affirmed that he could. Eventually, Milton and Alduvin had a design in progress that was standing on its own and climbing at the same steady rate as Milton's confidence. By the end, Milton was beaming as he looked around the room, noting that his tower was significantly taller than the others.

When it came time to measure all the towers, Milton and Alduvin's tower was the tallest in the younger class, and even taller than the tallest from the older class. As I announced this, Milton's eyes widened and his grin broadened. At closing, he made sure everyone knew that his tower had been the tallest of them all, very proud of his great accomplishment.

As he walked out the door at the end of the day, I looked down and said, "See, Milton, you can build a tower." He smiled back and me and said, "The tallest one!"

Camp Hope: It’s only the Beginning!

2009-09-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday we started the After School Program in Nueva Esperanza. We had a showing of 27 kids on the very first day! It was a blast, the kids are so excited for every activity we throw their way. God’s faithfulness and grace are evident in every aspect of the After School Program.

Here are a few highlights from all that God did in the first week:

· The weekend before camp started, we visited houses to register children from the community in the program. In each house, the kids were eager to be a part of Camp Hope. Going to into almost each and every home in the community was a blessing for our team because we were able to build trust and relationships with the families, and meet some of the kids before the first day of camp. We’re excited to see how relationships develop as we continue to work in this community.

· It is completely evident that God speaks Spanish. The kids in Nueva Esperanza don’t speak English at all, so the official language of Camp Hope has to be Spanish. For all of us English-speakers, this was a little daunting, but God equipped us with the language skills we need and communication to the kids was clear!

· Probably the most exciting blessing of all is that from day one, we had a youth interested in volunteering with the program. Saraí came the first day and jumped right in. Just having a youth volunteer from the beginning was major, but she was extremely helpful and worked well with the kids, which is even better! By the second day, it was evident that she is an indispensable helper, and has great potential. We are all extremely excited for her to keep coming and to see God grow her in this position of leadership.

All in all, the first week was a success! It is clear that the community wants and needs a program like this and we’re excited to see how God continues to show His power and love as Camp Hope goes on.

Pictures!

2009-09-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

So here are a few pictures of our first day of the After School Program (ASP). We had a blast and are looking forward to working with these kids for the next 7 weeks!

This is Kevin Josué. :) Fun, energetic, and helpful!

Coloring and hanging out before things got started

Snack time!

Painting the Camp Hope banner!

Yeslin, Kensi, and Glendy - Master jump ropers!

To see the full album, click below!

Urban Promise Honduras

"Las cuestas cuestan"

2009-09-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

"las cuestas cuestan" essentially means, "walking up the hills is a lot of work!" Not so glamorous and cute in english, but it still rings terribly true! Copán is a city of "cuestas" (inclined walkways, aka leg workouts). My favorite part about the cuestas is walking down them, not just because it's easier... haha, but really because the views are spectacular. The hills are blanketed in trees and the sky is a blue that perfectly offsets the green of the land.

This past week has been full of adventures, one of which was a scavenger hunt of the town. We set out with a map (it doesn't get any more touristy than that) and a list of things we had to accomplish. It was a very fun way to get to know the city. Another classic trait of Copán in the Fall is that it rains cats and dogs for about 10 minutes every afternoon because of the humidity. Out of the 8 days I've been here, I've been caught in a torrential downpour and soaked to the bone on 3 separate occasions. Each time, it was quite comical and spurred some nice conversations with the locals.

I also serendipitously was asked to take Spanish classes to learn the hondureñismos and local phrases. I'll admit that before I started classes, I was dragging my feet a little bit, but trying to have a good attitude about it. Little did I know of the blessing that was waiting for me--my Spanish teacher was a local girl my age and we got along like two peas in a pod! I only took one week, and by the end of the week, I was getting a little sad thinking that I wouldn't get to sit and chat with her for four hours each morning the following week. The nice thing is that the UPHonduras Staff hangs out with a bunch of the teachers from the school, so I'll be seeing her around. :) I was just so excited about that blessing that I was totally not expecting. It was pretty sweet.

Working with the UP Honduras team has been new and fun. This week, Alex and I spent most of our afternoons getting oriented with the ministry and getting ready for the After School Program (ASP) that we'll be working with Matt (UPH Staff and ASP director). The ASP starts this Wednesday in Nueva Esperanza, a neighborhood in the hills just outside Copán's center. We've spent the last two days visiting families and getting kids signed up for the program. It's gonna be goooooo-oooood!

I've been lesson-planning for the first week and a half and I'm really excited to see how all this turns out. I'll be teaching Bible, Cooking, and Discovery for the first two weeks and I'm stoked. UPH is all about activity-based lessons, so I'm trying to get the kids moving around and experientially learning as much as possible. We'll see how it goes!

Please be praying for us as we get going this week and work out kinks as it's a BRAND SPANKING NEW program. :)

I have arrived :)

2009-09-05T16:56:00.001-07:00

So I'm here. I flew into San Pedro Sula yesterday and rode 3 hours up in to the mountains to get to Copán Ruinas, a very beautiful town nestled in the mountains along the Honduran border with Guatemala.

I've met the Urban Promise Honduras team, and they're great. Matt, Blair, and Rachel are the three "staffers" here, the ones in it for the long haul. There is one other volunteer here, Alex. She arrived with me and will be here for 4 months (as opposed to my 2 month commitment). We are due to get another volunteer in our midst in a few weeks.

We will start orientation on Monday. For now, Alex and I are just getting to know the team and the town. We're meeting friends and making connections. It's been great.

Life and ministry here are very different from what I experienced in Mexico. However, I am trying to keep the wise words of Rick Romano in my mind and heart, as I try not to make comparisons and see what God has for me here without constantly measuring it against Mexico.

Thanks for all your prayers! I will be trying to write as frequently as possible on this short experience here, and as I try to find out where God wants me next.

it doesn't end here

2009-08-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

So I DID send out an update... it took me forever, but I did it. CLICK HERE to view it, if you haven't already.

I'm officially no longer in Mexico. It was strange to leave, especially now that so many things about my life in Maneadero are completely normal and natural to me. I don't think the effects of leaving will fully affect me until I've been back in Jersey for a day or two and it sinks in that I'm no longer there, my other home.

More thoughts and processing to come later.

El Trio: Seguidores de Cristo

2009-08-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a little video for you. The right side is cut off because of my blog format, so if you want to see the whole picture, you can click on it to get to YouTube. I am still very much an amateur movie-maker, but the point is not my ability, but rather, Chuy, Jamin, and Jarib's.

This is probably my favorite song of theirs -- Que contento estoy. Enjoy!

A quick update

2009-07-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

I owe the world a newsletter. I am aware of this. I will get around to it soon, I promise.

We just finished a week with 81 group members and we were at a different site than our home-base. So needless to say, we all worked hard and were exhausted. Being as exhausted as we were, our immune systems were way down, and each an every one of us caught a stomach bug that had been passed around the whole visiting group. It was crazy to watch everyone slowly drop, but God was gracious with His timing, because we were still able to get everything done! It was also extremely fortunate that it was only a 36-hour bug.

It was a good week. I learned a lot about serving with a joyful heart, and enjoyed getting to know some of the leaders and students in the group. There was one young lady named Courtney, which gave us an instant bond. I have never heard my name called more times in a week than I did this past week, but 75% of the time, they were calling the other Courtney, which makes sense. Finally they differentiated and I became "Kourtney with a K", something I have long been used to.

I have to start packing up my stuff here, something that is extremely bittersweet. I am excited to see my family and friends at home, hug my mom, reconnect with so many people that I haven't seen in a year, and head out on the next stage in my journey with God. But on the flip side, my heart breaks knowing that my time here has come to an end. I think about having to say goodbye to so many people that have special places in my heart, and it brings tears to my eyes. I think about not having a way to talk to Sofía and encourage her, and I feel a heaviness deep within my soul.

Please pray for me as I am in this last month here in Mexico. I leave three weeks from today and these next three weeks may possibly be the hardest I will experience here.

Cree -- Todo es posible

2009-07-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

This is a very busy time for us with groups in and out back to back. Consider this my disclaimer for not having regular posts. :) That being said, I have a minute, so I want to share with you some very cool experiences from this past week.

With our added times in prayer each morning, and the prayer ministry that Casey is heading up, there has subsequently been a focus on prayer in the time the teams are spending here. Additionally, there have been many lessons learned about the power of prayer. We have learned that when we seek God, He WILL answer. 'Clama a mí y te responderé, y te daré a conocer a cosas grandes y ocultas que tú no sabes' -- 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3 When we call on Him, He teaches us great things.

It was awesome to learn about how God answers prayer. The group started out praying for little things that they probably wouldn't have prayed for at home: a generator that wouldn't start and a concrete mixer that wouldn't start. This would have been skipped in the states, and the machines would have gone directly to the shop. Here, they prayed for them first, and God answered--the both started.

It was evident that God was doing a work in the hearts of this group and that He wanted to teach us ALL something about His power. One of the pastors on the trip, Steven, came down with an abscessed tooth. Various group members prayed for him, but the pain continued. In the morning, during prayer, we lifted him up together, being persistent in prayer and asking God to heal him. He came to breakfast after prayer with his face twice its normal size. Tammie made him a dentist appointment, and I'm sure he was mentally preparing himself for intense surgery. Before we all left for the worksite, and before Steven left for the dentist, we all gathered in prayer again, laid hands on him, and anointed him with oil. We prayed persistently as an entire team, and then sent him on his way to the dentist, waiting on the Lord for a miracle.

On my way to deliver lunch to the sites, I thought I saw Tammie's truck behind us, but immediately dismissed the thought because there was no way they'd be done at the dentist that quickly. However, God taught me that I need to EXPECT great things from him. My disbelief was thrown in my face as Tammie hopped out of her car right behind me at the site with a grin from ear to ear.

When Steven had gone to the dentist, he quickly diagnosed the problem. The doctor told Steven that the only thing he would be able to do for him was to drain the abscess and then he could do the other work back in the states. To the doctors' surprise, when he went to drain it, it had already drained. The healing process of Steven's tooth had already begun!

I was so excited for Steven and that he was healed, but I was so much MORE excited for all those who could witness the miracle that took place. I was so thankful for how God showed His glory and power, and taught us all more about Him. We CAN pray with faith and we CAN expect great things from God. I still don't understand why sometimes God heals and others, He doesn't, but I DO know for certain that it has nothing to do with His abilities. God wanted us to be persistent and to come to Him, to present our request before His throne.

I praise God for the miracle He did this past week in Steven's mouth, and in the hearts of all those who witnessed it.

Prayer Requests

2009-07-09T15:23:00.001-07:00

There is a boy named Misael at the Boys' Home. He is 9 years old but is delayed and is only developed as far as a 6 year-old. Whenever I have gone to the Boys' Home, he has grabbed my heart in a very special way because it is obvious that he needs some one patient to love him. Juan and Rossy do an amazing job at that. Every time I have seen Misael, one of the first questions he asks me is, "When is my mom coming back to get me?" Despite being very well taken care of, the mind of a 6 year-old does not understand why he is in a home away from his mother. In talking to Juan, I found out that one of Misael's biggest fears is that his mother would not ever come back for him.

Last night, we found out that Misael's mother, who had been sick with cancer, and had been in the hospital for two weeks with a brain hemorrhage, passed away. Upon hearing this news, I couldn't keep the tears from flowing out of my eyes. My heart broke for this little boy who was already confused and living many different trials, and now had lost his mother.

Misael is now with his sister, who is a minor, and who is trying not to lose custody of him. Juan and Rossy are trying to help the family do what is best for Misael.

Please be praying for Misael, his family, Juan, and Rossy as they sort through this situation.

imprudent good advice

2009-07-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

Monday through Friday, from 7 to 8 am, we have prayer here at the Second Floor. It is a continuation of the prayer times Rick started with the Pastors back in April. It has slowly grown into a time in which our ministry team members, and now group members, join together for a time in prayer, seeking God's face before all else and dedicating the day and the day's work to Him.

As I was reading through Luke and praying this morning, I came to the passage on loving your enemies:

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I was struck by how easy it is to graze over a passage like this and not give it any real thought. I was struck by how many times I have grazed over this passage and not given it a second thought. As I lingered in this passage this morning, I was struck by how illogical this teaching is, how very little I see christians actually following it, and how I never follow it.

I am amazed at how imprudent all of these instructions seem. If I love my enemies, what good does that do to me, except make me appear weak? If I do good to them, doesn't that make me a doormat? If I lend to them without expecting to get anything back, am I not just throwing money down the drain and not being a good steward of what God has given me? And yet, I read this, and see that Jesus is very clear in what he says. He does not mince words.

While he doesn't give a list of reasons WHY we should do all these things, he does give a reason: your reward will be great and you will be called sons of the Most High. My initial response to that is to think about when my mom used, "Because I said so," as her reason for telling me to do something--not so convincing, right? But then I remember Who is rewarding me, and Who is calling me His daughter, and it is a lot easier to swallow.

God says in Isaiah 55:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Who am I to tell God what is logical and illogical? Who am I to tell God that it isn't smart to lend out money to someone who is very unlikely going to pay me back? I just plain don't have the right to do that. Part of what frees me up to follow this teaching is that I know God knows what He's doing way better than I do, so if He tells me to love my enemies and to even lend them money, that He's got a good reason for telling me to do it. I may not know what that reason is, but He's got my back, so I can go ahead and love, do good, and lend away without worry.

The more I know Jesus, the more I realize that following him is in many cases going to lead me down an illogical path, save for the one fact that I am following the God of the universe, which, given that fact, is the only logical thing to do.

Answered Prayers

2009-06-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

Lucía is getting baptized! :)

Lucía is a woman that I have had the pleasure of watching grow over the past months in her faith and commitment to the Lord at Camino de Cristo. She started off extremely timid and barely wanted to pray in front of anyone. She's been one of the most faithful members of the prayer meetings on Tuesday nights, which tend to be smaller. She has begun sharing ideas and interest in participating in ministry, and really wants to serve. She approached Faustino about singing worship, and I'm so encouraged by her desire to step up.

As a step of faith and obedience, she wants to be baptized before leading worship with the team (ps- we HAVE a team now, which is a blessing in and of itself!). It is a huge encouragement and it makes Tomasa tear up just thinking about it.

God's timing continues to amaze me. I had been discouraged for a while at the lack of commitment in the church and how people really didn't seem to be stepping up. I felt like nothing was moving forward and that nothing was going to ever move forward. But God called me to be faithful to the ministry and to faithfully pray for Faustino and Tomasa and the whole church. I know I'm not the only one praying for them, and that alone is an encouragement.

So as God is answering these prayers, I am reminded that God doesn't work on a human timeline--and I'm thankful for that. His timing is perfect and there is a reason why He is building up Camino de Cristo now, and not four months ago. I cannot claim to know what that reason is, but I do know that the God that gathers that water of the sea into jars and puts the deep into storehouses knows what He's doing. :)

encouragement

2009-06-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, we had church at 10am. It was probably the best Sunday service I have been to at Camino de Cristo, and it did not all have to do with the fact that I got to go to church in the morning and not late in the afternoon.

Faustino and Tomasa decided to change church to 10am to be able to accommodate more people and schedules. I appreciate the change because I get to go early in the day. I'm not sure why I appreciate that so much, but I really do.

Even aside from that, it was just a great service for my heart. The fruit of Faustino and Tomasa's labor showed as people they had visited and ministered to showed up and nearly filled the church. There were two new families, one of which was very large. In addition to those new families, Faustino's son's in-laws have decided to come alongside the ministry and serve. Mari and José are strong believers and I think they will be a great support to Faustino and Tomasa.

In addition, when José started preaching and didn't excuse the children for kiddie church, Cuquita slowly stood up, caught Faustino's eye and motioned that she was going to take the children for the children's class. There were about 12 kids, so I followed her out and asked if she wanted me to come give her a hand. She pondered it a moment and then told me confidently that she could do it. I was so encouraged as I watched her lead the harem to the classroom behind the sanctuary.

I was blessed to be able to stay and listen to the sermon. José preached on unity in the church and how it is the job of the entire congregation to build into the church, not just the job of the pastor. He said something so poignant that I had never heard before: pastores no reproducen ovejas, ovejas reproducen ovejas (Pastors don't reproduce sheep, sheep reproduce sheep). He said this and it made so much sense that all I could do was smile. It was cool because one of the sheep was calling the rest of the sheep to action. I really appreciated it.

After church, we all went into Faustino and Tomasa's house to visit with Tomasa who was still bed-ridden because of her back. A good group of us went in and sat with her and talked about life and ministry. Mari and Tomasa chatted about ideas and things they want to do and how they want to expand ministries in the church. It made my heart jump with joy because I have been praying for strong leaders to come alongside the ministry and support Faustino and Tomasa so they can serve better and reach further. So now that Mari and José are there, that possibility is so much more in reach. Praise God for the way He works.

Please continue to pray for Tomasa as she continues with problems with her back. Pray that she would heal completely. Pray that she would take it easy. Pray that she would let Mari help her in ministry and that she wouldn't try to bear the load alone. As we all know too well, sometimes it is hard to share the burden that is squashing us, even though it is exactly what we need to do to stay afloat and to keep things moving forward.

A prayer stolen from Marcos' Blog

2009-06-11T21:04:00.001-07:00

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, “Thoughts in Solitude”

As we wait upon the Lord

2009-06-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, we had prayer at Faustino's--it was Tuesday, and it was what we do on Tuesdays. Faustino is in Tijuana helping out the new District Superintendent, Roberto, along with the other Pastors on a construction project. In his absence, Tomasa lead the prayer meeting. I'd never been to a prayer meeting that Tomasa lead before, but I shouldn't have been surprised when she ran it differently, because everyone has their own way of doing things.

She invited me to pray to start the meeting off and as I prayed I asked God to open our ears and hearts to receive what He may have for us in the time of prayer. I felt like God had something to say to us in our time of prayer and I didn't want to miss it.

Before praying, we read Psalm 6:

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

Tomasa asked us all to focus in on one verse that spoke to us as we read and share what we understood as we read it. I shared verse 9: The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;/ the Lord accepts my prayer. It really spoke to me because it is a declaration of answered prayer, a prayer that was a pleading to God for rescue. It doesn't pretend to be anything it is not, it just lays out the weakness and waits for God to answer.

After, we all shared our prayer requests and then each were assigned a person to lift up in prayer. I was assigned to pray for Tomasa. Her prayer requests were for her daughter Lily's marriage, her family in general, Faustino, her grandkids, her spiritual life, and healing. Tomasa has a weak heart and is fatigued quickly and often. On top of that, she gets what she calls "aching bones" (dolor de huesos). The only parallel I can find is the pain you feel when you have a fever and your whole body just hurts.

Tomasa has been battling with these ailments since long before I ever met her. It hurts my heart to see her suffer like this because I love her. It also hurts because I know the impact she has for the Kingdom when she's feeling well, and I hate knowing that loss. When Tomasa is in action, she is such a force that she could just run her way through a brick wall!

As I pray for Tomasa, I tell God how frustrated I am that she is still sick. I tell God that I don't understand why He still has not healed her, but also tell him that I know He knows what He's doing. I ask him for patience and faith in His plan for Tomasa and ask for Him to be glorified. I want healing now, but if it needs to come later or not at all to glorify God more, then I want that more.

We are waiting on the Lord for healing. We are waiting on the Lord. As I prayed and proclaimed that we are waiting on Him, the song Everlasting God came to my heart. I started singing and really meditating about what it is to wait on the Lord and how strength rises as we wait on him. In all honesty, I didn't come to any great conclusions other than remembering what Tara Powers shared about waiting meaning expecting something to happen. You don't just wait for nothing, you wait because you know something is going to happen. So as we wait, we know God is going to do something great and we wait because what God is going to do is far greater than what we would have done. I think in the end that brings strength because there is strength in God's actions and we are strengthened in faith as we see Him act.

Last night I committed to waiting on the Lord for Tomasa. I told God that I want His will to be done and that I expect him to act to glorify Himself, even if that means not healing her now or ever. I truly want that.

Tonight, Lily, Tomasa's daughter, showed up at the Second Floor and informed us that Tomasa is in the hospital again. It hurt my heart, but I remembered what I had said to God and what He had said to me--wait on the Lord. So while I don't know what's going on here, with Tomasa, or with my Aunt Sissy, or with Uncle Jerry, Aunt Irene, or Christy, I wait on the Lord to act, because He will be glorified in the end, and I pray to that end. I invite you to pray that with me for all of these cases. I don't understand why they are sick or what is being accomplished by it all, but I trust God does, and He's gonna work it out.

Your head is aching, I'll make it better

2009-06-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

I sat in church yesterday and thought about how I really didn't want to be there. My head was hurting, I had just come from another church service, and my back was hurting for a variety of reasons. I confessed to myself and to God that I really only went because I felt like I had to, not at all because I wanted to. Plainly, I just wasn't feeling it.

Surprisingly, I was very comfortable with this confession. During my time here in Mexico, I've come to the realization that there are some days you just won't want to do ministry. Dan, a fellow intern, very often says, "I love my job. I hate my job." Or he just says one or the other depending on the situation. We all agree that it is a very fair depiction of our feelings. We won't love what we do at all times because God does not promise a constant party as you live out the call He has on your life. On the flip side, it isn't all thorns either. There are many many times that I am acutely aware of the blessing it is to work here in Ensenada with the people God has put around me.

Having this understood, I know that I will not always want to go to church, and that it doesn't make me a terrible person. However, last night, as I sat in the pew, thinking about how much I didn't want to be there, God taught me a lesson. It was my turn to read the scripture lesson for the service, and I was allowed to choose it. Before the service, I had chosen Isaiah 44:6-8

"This is what the LORD says—
       Israel's King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty:
       I am the first and I am the last;
       apart from me there is no God.

Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it.
       Let him declare and lay out before me
       what has happened since I established my ancient people,
       and what is yet to come—
       yes, let him foretell what will come.

Do not tremble, do not be afraid.
       Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?
       You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me?
       No, there is no other Rock; I know not one."

I read the scripture at the appropriate time, sat back down, and listened as Tomasa transitioned into a time of musical worship to be led by Abel. As I listened to her, the depth of the words sunk into my heart and I heard a voice in my head say, "THIS is the God we serve. THIS is the God you came to worship today. How can you possibly want to do anything else?" In that moment, things changed. It wasn't so much that all of a sudden I wanted to be in church; my head still hurt, my back still hurt, and I had still just recently been to a 3 hour service--but rather, my understanding of why I should be there changed. I understood that being in church at that moment had nothing to do with whether or not I was feeling it. It had nothing to do with whether or not I liked or even knew the songs Abel was going to play. It entirely had to do with the fact that I have so many things for which I can come to God's throne and thank and praise Him. Our Sunday services are called Worship Services for a reason: they exist to create an environment and time for us to come collectively and worship God. I've been learning more deeply lately that faith and following Jesus is an act of will and not something based on our feelings. Very closely linked to this is our act of worship. We make the decision to worship God because He deserves our worship, not because we feel something in our chest or like the beat of the music.

So I made the decision to worship God on Sunday. I made the decision to tell God how great He is and lift His name up even though it didn't give me warm fuzzies. I don't share this to make myself sound like some deep christian who knows or loves Jesus more than you, but really to share the joy and the lesson God taught me this sunday.

Que linda está la mañana

2009-05-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

When Rick asked what the biggest holiday in Mexico was, he was told that it's Mother's Day. Surprised? I was too, and I completely didn't believe it until Saturday night. Here in Mexico, they go out and sing mañanitas to the moms on Mother's Day Eve, which is actually Mother's Day, just super early in the morning.

So Saturday night, May 9, at exactly midnight, we embarked out on our journey to sing. Rafa had tied the speakers and cerebro (sound board) to the back of the pick-up and we drove from house to house, singing, whooping, and yelling merriment at all the moms we know.

We had a blast, and it was great to honor the moms in my life. :) We even got to call my mom on Monday and sing to her. We woke her up for her birthday.

I think I might bring this tradition back to the states with me... all you moms, get ready for some serious serenades!

Cutting out the Middle-Man

2009-05-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

Here in Maneadero, along the highway, there are fields of flowers. Every time we drive by, we all marvel at how beautiful it looks, and I joke about pulling over and taking a picture amidst all the flowers.

Especially lately, I have been missing the presence of flowers in our apartment. Every spring, my mom cuts flowers from her garden, and there are almost always fresh-cut flowers on our table. We (the three girls and Rafa) sat down to eat together a few nights ago and I missed the flowers. It felt like something was missing.

Faustino and Tomasa told us that there was a place yo

u could get bouquets of flowers for 15 pesos (like $1.10 USD). Sarah and I were certain they'd be dinky little bouquets of the reject flowers, but any flowers would be better than none, right? So we got directions and went yesterday. Low and behold, we walk up to a house and all over the property are buckets of fresh-cut flowers--sunflowers, heather, "pretty green fillers", and tons more. I'm not going to lie, I was a little overwhelmed with the selection. All over the yard there were also people cutting, and stripping flowers of the leaves on their stems to make better bouquets.

I quickly realized that by going to this place, we were cutting out the middle man... that's why the flowers were so cheap! So I asked some one which flowers were for sale and they kind of chuckled and said, "All of them." I decided not to get a made bouquet, and just grabbed two bunches flowers that caught my eye. The two bunches only cost 20 pesos... amazing. So now, we have sweet honey-like smelling flowers on our kitchen table, and at half the price of flowers at Produce Junction! WOOOOO!

Renewal

2009-05-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

Cuán hermoso eres, Jesús How beautiful you are, Jesus
son tus palabras are you words
es tu amor is your love
Cuán glorioso eres, Jesús How glorious you are, Jesus
es tu poder is your power
fue tu cruz was your cross
La que me salvó [Your cross] that saved me
Que me rescató [Your cross] that rescued me
Un momento ahí me dio libertad A moment there gave me freedom

Te doy gloria gloria I give you glory glory
Te doy gloria gloria I give you glory glory
Te doy gloria gloria I give you glory glory
A ti Jesús To you Jesus

I love this song. I'm really not quite sure if it exists in English, but from the very moment I first heard it, it played with the rhythm of my heart and caused the praise welling up inside me to burst forth. I have come to deeply appreciate the bridge: Con una corona de espinas, te hiciste Rey por siempre (With a crown of thorns, you made yourself King forever). For me, it paints such a clear picture of the pain and the triumph that the cross represents; the paradoxical humility and exaltation of Christ for the sacrifice He made.

I give glory to Jesus. I give him glory because he deserves it. Glory belongs to God alone and my soul longs to give him glory because of who He is and what He did. I give Him glory because He honors His promises. He is good to His word. He meets us where we are.

I give Jesus glory because I can see the work of his hand, the fruit of his work in my life. I have a confidence in Christ that I have never felt before. Not to say that I have never felt confidence in Christ before now, but that I have never felt it this deeply and surely. And this is not a confidence that lets whatever opinion I have fly out of my mouth, or an egotistical confidence that says that my way is the best, but quite the opposite. It is a confidence that quiets me and keeps me still because I can wait on His timing and His will. It is a confidence that quiets my heart from worry and allows me to step assuredly into what God has planned for me, knowing it is better than any other thing I could imagine for myself.

I got to visit a church in Ensenada with Isaí and Mini on Sunday. During worship, we sang the above song. My heart soared. There was something so pure and beautiful about singing that song. I closed my eyes and I was just before the throne of my King, praising His name, glorifying Him, and thanking Him for the sacrifice He made on the cross. Every pretense, every self-conscious thought, every person faded away into some far off place, and I entered into worship in a way that I don't think I ever have before. It's amazing to me that singing praise to God could be such a blessing for me and such a gift for me.

I love visiting different churches down here, experiencing different styles of worship, and hearing a variety of Mexican preachers. I love seeing the church at work down here, and seeing the fruit of what God has been doing in them.

Cool finds

2009-04-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sarah's dad came down on Friday to visit. With him, he brought a fun-loving attitude, a very cool convertible, and a book that had been written about a couple building a house on the Baja peninsula, very close to where I live. He happened upon the story as he was researching the beach down in this area, and the book, as it turns out, is a pretty good read!

The book, God and Mr. Gomez, takes place between LA and Santo Tomás, the town in which the Boys' Home is located. It's a true story, and a point of interest for me because I am so familiar with the places the author talks about.

At one point, he describes the drive down the coast from Tijuana to Ensenada. He paints such a wonderful picture that I can't help but share. For those of you who will not make it out here, I hope this gives you an idea:

We took the road that skirts Tijuana, running west along the border to the Pacific, where it passes the seaside bullring and melds into the Ensenada toll road. The toll road is a divided freeway, a sound and artistic piece of engineering, with two lanes going south and two north along the spectacular Pacific coast. The road is edged with indigenous crushed lava of a magenta color, and in the spring there are banks of red and yellow flowers. It cuts through low costal hills above the ocean, turning away from one stunning seascape only to discover yet another. The toll is collected at three stations, totaling $2.40 for each car going all the way to Ensenada. It is too much money for the local traffic, so the road is never crowded, and driving it on a good day is like flying in a small airplane a hundred feet above the seashore.

The book was published in 1974, so some things are not exactly as described. The toll prices doubled and I'm not sure the lava is still the same vivid magenta he describes, but at least it gives you an idea.

I love that drive. When we drove FPC up this last time, the sun was setting as we drove along the ocean. I'd seen the sun set here, but never like I did that day. It made the drive that much better. I appreciate how breathtaking it was to first take the drive down and just stare out the car window, but I appreciate even more how the view doesn't get old.

While Mr. Roney was here, we also went downtown to walk around. It was great because we went into a lot of the places we've said we wanted to go into for a long time. One of the cool, almost serendipitous finds was an old hotel that had been transformed into a rustic furniture store. Walking around in there was almost like walking through a museum, but with a lot of great style. I love old buildings, and part of me wishes this one had been restored a little better, but I guess it's roughness keeps with the rustic style of the furniture.

Among our cool finds was a tiny museum in one of the beautiful government buildings we had been longing to explore. It explained a lot about the indigenous history of Baja and gave some cool "then and now" information on Ensenada. Apparently there are two ballrooms in the building; regrettably we did not get the chance to explore them. But if anyone is looking for a wedding venue, it comes highly recommended and very fairly priced! There was a gift shop at the end of the museum, and it had the lowest museum store prices of any I have ever been in. There were quite a bit of artesanías that caught my eye, and Sarah and I were continually baffled at how little they were asking for all of them!

I had forgotten how much I enjoy exploring places. Ensenada had lost a little bit of its magic for me since I've been here for 8 months, but by letting curiosity lead us, and not a planned agenda, I feel that we were able to look beyond the cruise ships and tourist traps, and see Ensenada's charm again.

Crash into me

2009-04-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

I had the blessing of having FPC Moorestown come visit Ensenada last week. It was a tiny team of 8. As a high schooler, it never occurred to me that the size of our teams were "small". It was all I knew. Looking back, and even on this past week when Moorestown was here, I like the intimate dynamic of a small team.

My lovely and intelligent mother had a really great insight: As she was reflecting on the struggles and joys of the team working together, the obstacles they had to overcome for their common goal, the lessons they learned, and how they all grew, the parallel of the group with the 12 disciples came to mind. As a team, the disciples worked and lived together, all following the same Man, trying to understand what He was teaching. As each disciple was completely human and not at all God (unlike their leader), there is no doubt that there were problems every single day for and between the group. The mission team was a team of 8, and they were amazed at the dynamics of the group--just imagine 4 more in the mix!

The cool thing about the disciples being together was that they had Jesus in their midst, so he could take each teachable moment and stretch his disciples.

The cool thing about the short-term team being together is that they have the Holy Spirit within them to convict, discipline, correct, and stretch the team members.

At the end of the day, within both groups, the goal is to glorify God and to keep our eyes fixed on He who is in charge and knows the whole story, trusting that He can do it better than we can.

I appreciated that insight.

However, that was not the point of this post. The point, is to share what an extraordinary experience it was to have my two worlds collide for a week. I think more than anything else, I really appreciated the relationships that were built between the FPC team and the people here. Both sets of people are those that I dearly love. I talk about one to the other all the time, but there is something so much more powerful in knowing the person you're being told about. When I tell Faustino and Tomasa stories about my mom, they can picture her in their heads as I share. Vice versa--people back at home know who I'm talking about when I say that Roxsy, Ricardo's wife, came over and taught me how to make ensalada de nopales.

I thoroughly enjoy the fact that these two worlds that were previously so separate and unknown to one have now united, even if it was only for a short time. As people here ask about people from home and share memories they have of those people, it brings home a little bit closer. I'm certain the reverse will occur as well, when I return to Jersey. Being able to share my heart and experiences with people who know the world I'm in right now will be encouraging and will make the transition a little easier.

This unity means so much more to me than I know how to express. So to all of you who came, thank you. To all of you who will hear their stories, thank you. And to all of you who read this little blog and see my experience through my lens, thank you.

Here are a few pictures I swiped from Jenny Wittmer :) ENJOY!

This is outside the Church and in front of Faustino and Tomasa's church. We were handing out sidewalk chalk. They had a blast with it! Very cute idea.
La familia Diaz. This was taken Easter Sunday after church. This is Sofía's family. Some members of the group were able to go to Sofía's house for the prayer ministry. Now I think they appreciate her almost as much as I do. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but they do LOVE her!
We got to support Sofía's family by buying bags and bracelets from her and her mom. This is Sofía and her mom and the loom her mom uses to make the bags.

Props to Jenny for a GREAT picture! This is Jamin jumping in to jump rope with the kids at VBS. Jamín is always down for a good time and has such a fun-loving spirit about him. It does not surprise me at all that he is caught red-handed playing with the kids and loving EVERY SECOND!

Foreign

2009-03-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

We were in the States yesterday. It was a good day. San Diego is beautiful. The weather is perfect. The people are all friendly. I'm convinced people are all friendly because it is almost ALWAYS sunny. I think a lot of people in NYC and all over the northeast would be friendlier and happier people if the sun shined there as it does in Southern California. People warned me that once I went to San Diego, I would never want to live anywhere else! In its splendor, San Diego puts a smile on my face.

However, being up in the States is an increasingly strange experience for me. Casey and I talked a long while back about how we were going to become part of the "Third Culture", a culture that is between Mexican and American--a culture that has elements of both, but is definitely not one or the other. Being a part of this culture is strange, especially in San Diego and the surrounding area. As I hear Spanish spoken all around me, I battle inwardly to know which language I should use to respond to people. When I opt for the Spanish, I'm met with faces that are more surprised than even those in Mexico. Suddenly it is hard for me to express myself in English and I find myself stuttering over simple words and phrases. I feel self-conscious about the clothes I'm wearing and the dirt on my sneakers. I feel self-conscious about the fact that I'm wearing sneakers.

I'm finding that I have grown to be comfortable as an American who lives in Mexico, but that I still can't find my place as an American who lives in Mexico and is back in her "own" culture. Honestly, I felt lost. For me, as a person who is most often sure of herself, feeling lost is a very foreign feeling. More than anything, I think it was disconcerting to feel so out of place in a world that should be my own. That's the trouble with the "Third Culture": we don't fit in either culture anymore.

This means that it's time to pray about returning home and reverse culture shock. I'm not going to worry about it because God will work it out and teach me great things along the way, but I need to be asking Him to prepare my heart. Please be praying with me!

When I think about it, this has been a week full of people being put in foreign situations! On Sunday, Cuquita taught the Children's Church lesson. She stood up front and read the story, asked good questions, gave a great explanation of how prayer was involved in the story and then proceeded to lead a great discussion on prayer with the children. She told me that she was terribly nervous the whole time, but was really happy to hear that I thought she did a great job (which she did!). She's not been a teacher before and if asked, would tell you that she's not comfortable being up front. BUT she's progressing step by step and it's so fun to watch her move forward each week!

John, Rick and Tammie's 14 year-old son is going to be giving a talk on Saturday to the other youth in Aposento Alto (Francisco's church). To my knowledge, this will be the first time he'll be doing something like this. It has been cool to talk to him as he prepares for this Saturday. I'm excited to go on Saturday and sit in the peanut gallery!

It seems that part of following God is following Him into the foreign places and trusting that He knows what He's doing. When we're in places we don't know, we are incapable of relying on our own strength or wisdom--we HAVE to trust Him. Maybe that's why it's such a great place to be! :)

Confía en Jehová con todo tu corazón y no te apoyes en tu propia prudencia. Proverbios 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Happy Birthday Juanito!

2009-02-24T20:47:00.000-08:00

I realize that it has been almost a month since I have last posted. Sorry about that. Things around here have been busy. It's hard to say with what exactly because we've been up to so many different things. No matter, I really wanted to share about a family that I'm getting to know better as I spend more time at Faustino's church (Camino de Cristo).

This is Sofia (and her youngest son Gustavo). She goes to Faustino's church and is almost ALWAYS there when there's a service or meeting. She, her husband Juan, and their three boys walk to church faithfully every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I meet with her once a week outside church (this week twice since we missed last week because I was in Mexicali). We are doing a study on the book of Acts and we've been talking a lot about the Holy Spirit. It's really a pleasure to meet with her. I go to her home and I'm greeted by her two older sons, Juanito and Chava (nickname for Salvador), running down the stairs and all the way out to the truck. Chava calls me Ani (we haven't quite figured out why yet), and comes out screaming "ANI! ANI! ANI!" -- it's pretty darn cute. It's customary to greet people with a handshake when you see them, so as I carefully open the truck door, I try not to hit the boys with the door and instantly, two tiny hands are extended towards me, eagerly waiting to greet me.

Sofia and I sit, we chat, we pray, we study the Bible, and share our stories, lives, and how we've seen God working around us. I love getting to know her and getting to see her heart. She struggles a lot to read the Bible because she speaks a dialect, Triki, as her first language, and is just beginning to get comfortable with Spanish. Despite this struggle, she really has a heart to know God and His Word better. Please be praying for her as she pushes forward, standing firm in her faith in God.

This is Juanito, Sofia's oldest son. Today he turned 7. Happy Birthday Juanito! :o) His face is covered with icing because of the traditional birthday "mordida". He took a bite out of his cake and his face was shoved into the cake--by Pastor Faustino no less! It's tradition!

He's a really sweet kid and is forever asking to take pictures with my camera. It turns out that when he's not taking pictures of other pictures, he's a pretty good candid photographer! He's been one of the most faithful members of our Children's Ministry and knows almost all of the texts we have memorized over the weeks! He's a really special kid.

And THIS little fellow is Chava. The funny thing about Chava is that he was terribly afraid of me when I first met him. He would come to church with his family and be sitting in his stroller, I would wave to him or shake his little hand and he would burst out into tears! Juan and Sofia tried to tell me that he was just cranky because he'd woken up from a nap.... but I think they were just being nice. He was plain scared of me!

Eventually he started coming around. He came back to Children's Church one week and I was amazed when he made it through half of it without crying and running for his mom! The next week he managed to stay with us the whole time, and ever since then he's been glued to my hip. We get along SO well now that when I drive the family home from church, he cries because he has to get out of the car and I'm going to drive away--quite a change from how we started off!

I can't talk about the whole family without talking about Juan. Juan is the father of these three boys and the husband of Sofia. Honestly, Juan is one of the most gracious and gentle men I know. He always has a warm smile on his face, accompanied most of the time by pondering eyebrows as he weighs and listens to what you say to him. Juan preaches most Thursdays, which is awesome, especially considering the fact that he just started learning Spanish two years ago. I especially love hearing Juan's testimony because it is so evident that the transforming power of the Holy Spirit has worked and is working in his life.

No te cansas?

2009-01-27T20:00:00.001-08:00

I've been doing exercises in the mornings here at the Segundo Piso since we got back from our Christmas holiday. For us as Americans, this is totally normal, expected even. However, for many Mexicans, the concept of doing exercise is very foreign.

One of the parts of my work-out is running up and down the stairs to our apartment as fast as I can in one minute increments. There have been a few times that the young boys next door have caught my eye as I'm huffing it up the stairs. I smile and wave, and they wave back, very amused at the sight before them. After seeing the boys, and realizing that we can see almost all that our neighbors do from our windows, it hit me that most people who live in the surrounding houses probably take note of a lot of what we do as well. I figured people wouldn't give too much thought to what we do, but I was proven wrong the other day as I ran into the convenience store next door to buy garbanzo beans for humus.

I ran into the store, greeted the owner, grabbed the beans, and then walked over to pay. As I'm taking out the money to pay, the owner tells me in a very curious voice that she sees me exercising, running up and down the stairs. I smile at her and tell her that it is indeed me she sees. I didn't put much weight in the comment, but then she continues to express her confusion and surprise. She asks me if I get tired, "No te cansas de subir y bajar asi?" I tell her that's kind of the point of exercises... to tire yourself out and make yourself stronger. She seemed very confused that I would do that to myself. She then proceeds to tell me that when she walks up a flight of stairs that her heart pounds and she gets terribly out of breath. I gave her a sympathetic look, and she told me that everytime she watches me, she tells her son that she should probably do the same.

The whole situation made me laugh. For one, you usually don't think about the fact that at any given moment, there could be a lot of people watching you do things. Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they can't see you--especially when you're outside. Second, the fact that the concept of exercise was so strange to this woman made me think of what all the other neighbors must think, and all those who can see me from the highway as they drive by -- "What is that crazy gringa doing running up and down the stairs? Man, does she ever look tired!"

Now I wonder what they think of our jumprope clothesline... and the blindingly green curtains hung in our windows...

Perhaps I'll invite the neighbor to work out with me one day. It could be fun. I wonder if she'd do it. :o)

I fought the MICRO...

2009-01-26T21:58:00.000-08:00

Down here in Baja, they call their public transportation "micro" or "camioneta". The term I've heard most often is "micro", and that's what I've been calling it.

What's so funny about the micro is that they tear through the streets of Zorrillo, Maneadero, and Ensenada as if they were all taxi-drivers from NYC that were kicked out because they drive too wildly. Driving in Mexico is a fun adventure because you are constantly battling the micro, hoping not to be cut off, throwing your fists up in righteous anger when you are, and always avoiding the right hand lane because of the paradas continuas (continuous stops) the micro makes. We have a claim between us interns: "I fought the micro.... and WON!!" Everytime we pull out onto the highway, we pull out onto the battlefield--us vs. the micro. When you can successfully get from point A to point B without the micro cutting you off or making you want to lay on your horn, you have won... this is a great triumph.

Aside from the joys of sharing the road with these crazy short-busses (they are literally re-painted short buses like most school districts use), it is an entirely separate experience to board one and take the ride into Ensenada.

Today, Casey and I rode the micro into town to check out the Christian bookstore and pick up some groceries. It was not my first time on the micro, nor will it be my last ride, but today I was especially struck by the uniqueness of a micro-ride in Mexico. It all started as our micro tore down the hill to where we were standing to catch it. As we signaled for him to stop and pick us up, he barely slowed down as he pulled off the road and I literally jumped back, thinking he wasn't going to stop in time to not hit me! I've never heard any stories of micros hitting people, so it seems as though they have a good track record... but MAN! The driver laughed at me as I got on because he knew exactly what had gone through my mind as he pulled over--apparently I can't hide my emotions well.

We continue to tear down the "highway" in the same fashion as before we boarded. I hung onto the seat in front of me and shot Casey amused glances as we whipped all over the road. As we approached Ensenada, we pulled over to pick up a passenger and a vendor hops on board briefly to sell the driver some juice., which he proceeds to share with the passenger who just boarded. Casey and I looked at one another, smiled, and said, "Only in Mexico!"

It turns out the passenger wound up being the driver's girlfriend. I know this because as we got off, so did she, and as I'm standing behind her, ready to hop off, she leans over and plants a BIG wet one on the driver... Granted, I've never lived in a city, so public transportation has not been a huge part of my life up until this point, but even so, in all my travels, I have not yet seen a like situation.

All in all, it was a very entertaining ride. I love the micro... there really is nothing like it.

January Pics...

2009-01-13T22:56:00.000-08:00

Classic Rossy... always causing trouble :o)
Faustino and Tomasa, my pastores. They're a very cute couple. They really love each other and it is fun to watch them together.
Rick made us carnitas (pork chop-ish things). We put them in tacos. They were really good.
Sammy and Leyda. They aren't pastors per se, but they work with the ministry. I really appreciate them and spending time with them. They are really special people.
Because of all the rain we had before and over Christmas, everything is GREEN now. When I look out into the hills behind our back porch, I see GREEN. It actually reminds me of Ireland because of all the rolling hills and green. Pretty funny.
Abby and Moriah -- Rick and Tammie's girls were being goofy. They are so much fun.

It was January 12, 2009 and I was on the beach. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this young lady was laying comfortably on the beach in the middle of January. I just wanted to rub that in... yep... haha

Left to Right -- Casey (Co-intern), Me, Michelle (Visitor) -- Sa-weet day at the beach.

Teaching English at the Boys' Home. We're working on the preposition "on" and the pronoun "it".... tons of fun.

The gang. What's really cool is that we stay after class and hang out with the guys. We play basketball, volleyball, and today we played dominoes. They play way differently than we do... but we caught on after a while. Always fun to learn something new! -- You've gotta love Daniel (2nd from the top left). He never smiles in pictures because he has dimples and he HATES them. They look so cute... but i guess that's the last thing a "tough" 15 year-old mexican guy wants. Gotta love him...

I <3 Leadership Development

2009-01-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Call it beginner's enthusiasm, call it naivete, call it the JOY of the LORD, but I am so excited about developing leaders in Camino de Cristo. I've been working there for almost 2 months now (but with a 3 week break due to travels and groups) and I've been praying that we would be able to begin training up someone from the congregation to lead the children. I've been leading the kids myself and loving every minute, but I see the danger of my always doing it--when I leave, the church and the children will be no better off than before I came.

Today, however, marked an exciting beginning. Hermana Cuquita joined me for Children's Worship during today so she could begin getting an idea of how to do it herself (aka the beginning of leadership training!). She expressed lack of confidence in her ability and knowledge about teaching children, but she has a willing heart, and with God's mercy, the rest will come with time. :)

We have a meeting on Wednesday of this week to plan for next Sunday and to talk through how we want to work with the kids together. Hopefully this will become a regular thing and as we build her up as the new children's leader, we can build a good relationship between the two of us as well. I'm really excited to see how God unfolds this!

Please be praying for our meeting on Wednesday. Please be praying for Cuquita as God builds in to her. Please pray for me as I tread new grounds of leadership development while still wading through cultural and linguistic differences. Pray that we would be of one mind, one heart, and one spirit.

Dec/Jan Newsletter

2009-01-11T18:24:00.000-08:00

As we jump into 2009, I am so excited to be able to continue to share with you all about what God has been doing here in Ensenada! He is GOOD and it has been a great adventure to work alongside Him!

Since last time...

The end of November brought quite a few short term groups from California. With these groups, we hosted food and clothing distributions at the churches. Also with these groups, we distributed Christmas Shoeboxes to the children in the communities we serve.

We have continued teaching English at the Boys' Home (Centro de Restauración). As we continue to build relationships with the youth there, it becomes more and more rewarding. Teaching English is harder than I originally thought it would be, but I'm really enjoying it and using my education degree!

I got to go home for a 10-day break over Christmas. It was a great blessing to get to hug family and friends, and share with people I love.

We hosted a New Year's Eve party at the Second Floor (my current place of residence) for all the churches we serve. It was nice to have all the churches together for food, fun, and FIREWORKS! :) It's legal in Mexico.

Looking ahead...

As we move into January, we will be moving out of the Second Floor and into a house. In our stead, a Youth Center will be taking residence here. We are still in the beginning stages of working out details, but are hoping to have it up and running soon. Casey, Sarah, and I eagerly anticipate working in the Youth Center, building relationships with the youth, and giving them a safe and fun place to hang out.

We are hoping to offer our support to a local ministry, Gabriel House, that ministers to disabled children. We have been given a lot of freedom as to how we support them, but one of their main needs is for people to come spend time with the children and do activities with them and alleviate some of the work for the staff as they are understaffed.

At Camino de Cristo, the church with which I work directly, we are working through plans to better reach the community. As Tomasa, Faustino's wife, preached this Sunday, we are called to be a light in the darkness and the church wants to have an impact on the community.

Snapshot!

Last week there was a group in from North Carolina. On Thursday we went to Camino de Cristo for the mid-week service. The service started as normal, but in the middle of worship, a family walked in, walked straight to the pulpit, and asked for prayer for their baby who had been burnt badly earlier that morning. Everything was stopped and we all prayed for the baby.

The family stayed the rest of the service and it was an amazing testimony to the faith they have and the trust they have in God.

In all of this, I was left with a great impression of God's great love for us, his children. The pastor from North Carolina had prepared a sermon out of the scripture in Mark 9:24 when the father of the sick boy exclaimed, "I do believe, help my unbelief!" to Jesus after being challenged to believe that Jesus could heal him.

It was clear that God had this family in mind when He put this scripture and message on the pastor's heart. It was striking how the scripture paralleled the experience of the family and God gave the pastor words of challenge, comfort, and encouragement for the family.

I loved seeing God work out the details of how He wanted to shower His love on them amidst this difficult experience.

Prayer is FUEL

Your prayers are the absolute best thing you can offer! God listens and promises to answer our prayers. So please, join with me in prayer for:

Camino de Cristo (Way of Christ), that they would hear God's voice clearly as He calls them out into their community to shine like lights
Unity among our team of leaders in the ministry as we work together for God's glory
The young men at the Boys' Home, that they would hear God's voice as He longs to make them whole again
The Youth Center, that we would be able to work out details well, get it running, and that youth would be reached for the glory of God

On a personal note...

I've been learning a lot about how God wants us to love one another. I've known for a long time that He calls us to love, but the how in all that has remained somewhat fuzzy for me at times. God continues to show me His sacrificial love in the relationships I have and calls me to love in the same way--always putting myself last. It's a great lesson to learn, accompanied by a lot of failures on my part, and a lot of grace from everyone else. Ironically, or maybe not, the central theme is STILL, "Kourtney, it's not about you!"

The further I delve into knowing God, the more I realize how little I actually know. The further along in my walk I go, the more I realize I have a LONG way to go. But this is a great journey, and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! It was a huge blessing to be able to touch base at home for 10 days, share in church, and be with family and friends. I look forward to hearing about how God is moving in your lives and how I can be praying for you!

love.love.love

Kourtney

Living by faith

2009-01-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

"There are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational. It doesn't mean that it is actually irrational, but it surely is not rational. Perhaps there is suprarationality: the reason beyond normal definitions of fact or data-based logic; something that only makes sense if you can see a bigger picture of reality. Maybe that is where faith fits in."
-William P. Young, The Shack

I read The Shack during the past few days and it was a great read. I really appreciated this passage because it seems to me to be such a clear picture of what faith is--a further development of Hebrews 11:1. We trust God, even though our eyes can't see and our brains can't comprehend the reasons behind what He tells us to do.

While I was at home, a lot of people asked me what I will be doing at the end of this year in Mexico. It is a logical and simple enough question, but each time I was asked, my anxiety about the future grew. I've thought about quite a few options, but quite simply, I really just don't know yet. I feel like I'm graduating high school or college all over again, that stage in your life when the future looms like some unknown dark cloud.

BUT-- this time it's different. God was faithful before in making my paths straight (leading me to TCNJ and then to Mexico). So this big God, who has a much bigger and better perspective on reality than I, will be faithful to direct my paths once more. I can trust in that and I don't need to worry about what lies ahead.

It's an exhilarating yet scary place to be. Not knowing the future frees me up from worrying about it, but it also requires that I relinquish all control over it. I guess that's the beauty of putting our faith in God.

Whether you like it or not

2008-12-15T09:23:00.000-08:00

There are so many things we are doing here that fill my heart up with joy and excitement for ministry. I love people. I love being with people. I love seeing people grow. I love children. I love seeing children's faces glow with excitement when they know they've learned something. I love being approached and being asked by a group of smiling kids when they can come back for the next children's program.

While I love all of these things, and SO many more, there are parts of ministry that are really hard. As a member of a congregation, or just a Christian in general, I always held my leaders to a higher standard, expecting them to be more "holy" because they are pastors, youth leaders, staff workers, etc. Now, in a position of ministry (and not even a huge position) the tables have turned. I am on the other side, and I'm realizing how unfair it all seems. I am no more perfect or holy than ANYONE else just because I chose to say yes to God and follow Him down here to Mexico. I am no less sinful than the man who sells hot dogs in front of my apartment just because I support Faustino and Tomasa at Camino de Cristo.

However true all this is, it doesn't change the fact that I am looked at differently because of the calling God has given me. I know I'm an ordinary person with no special powers or abilities, but does everyone else really know that?

Where does this leave me? Much is expected of me, but alone I am capable of nothing.

I'm realizing that saying YES to God in answer to His call is so much more than transplanting my life and walk with Him to a different place. I didn't just say yes to coming, I said yes to serving God and His people here in Mexico. I said yes to being a support and leader to help grow the ministry and churches here. That requires a whole different attitude. That requires a change in perspective. Saying yes to all those things means I'm saying yes to a package deal.

If being a Christian means that you live your life under a microscope by all who don't share your beliefs, then being a Christian leader seems to intensify the magnification.

I can't be the perfect person they want me to be. I can't be the perfect example they want me to be. BUT with Christ's help, I can be who He wants me to be, and that's what really matters. The hard part is that now that I've said yes, He's calling me to bring glory to His Gospel, and not shame. He's calling me to bear witness to the transformation He's made in my heart.

That has always been the same--always been what He's asked of me. But to do that effectively here, it requires a different form of comportment. I know that I love Jesus and desire to serve Him, but do all my actions show that? Is it evident when I serve in these churches that my Jesus sits on the throne of my heart?

I want to bring glory to Christ's name. I want to show love in real ways. I want to lift Christ's name up with each word that comes out of my mouth. No one ever said it was going to be easy.

buen provecho

2008-12-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

Thankful for indoor plumbing...

2008-12-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

So... this is how it went...

A lot of people, with whom I interact on a regular basis, don’t have indoor plumbing, or any plumbing as a matter of fact.

I went to Juanita’s house to make tamales on Friday because I’ve wanted to know how to make them for a long time. I was there from about 12:30 until 7... it was a really awesome time and there was SO much more to the day that this story. But because this is so entertaining... I’ll share this now, and the rest later...

Juanita lives in one of the poorer communities that we serve and has an outhouse outside her house. We were winding down with the tamales and we were getting ready to go, but I decided to run to the “bathroom” first. So with toilet paper and flashlight in hand, I braved it out to the outhouse.

In normal outhouses, just to give you an idea, there are big boards that function as a floor and a makeshift bench with a hole in it... you know what that’s for. This outhouse, however, didn’t have one big board functioning as a floor, but rather had numerous boards that were strategically placed so that the hole below was covered and people could enter in to do their business.

I went in, a little nervous because it was so dark, and hadn’t entered more than a step when suddenly I found myself bracing myself up with my arms, panicing because my legs were both below the floor, and I was eye-level with the “toilet”. I struggled for a bit, in pain from the fall, and after much screaming for help, managed to get myself out.

What happened was that the previous occupant of the bathroom had unknowingly kicked the board, causing it to be unstable. When I stepped in, the laws of physics went into motion and the unbalanced board flipped.

Luckily, whoever dug the hole for this outhouse was not lazy and dug a VERY deep hole, God bless his soul. So my feet were dangling, not kicking around in very unpleasant materials. I managed to get out of the mess without e coli or touching any fecal matter... I just have a HUGE bruise on my thigh, wet hands, and have a few unidentifiable stains on my jeans.

As gross as the story is... I’ve been laughing about it from the second it happened. So be thankful that you have indoor plumbing in the states... or even in Mexico. God taught me not to complain about not being able to flush toilet paper – at least I HAVE a toilet and not an outhouse. There’s never any use in complaining... it really could always get worse.

PS--

2008-11-20T16:23:00.001-08:00

Today we took salt water showers down at the campground at the beach because we didn't have water in the Segundo Piso for the second day in a row (aka: 3 days without showers).

It was quite an experience. The list of things I no longer take for granted just grows and grows each day... :o)

Fashion Show!

2008-11-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

We had to clean out the Apartments of all the donated clothes and bring it over to the Segundo Piso. We then went through all of the clothing to sort and fold it. Casey and I found a few interesting items that we wanted to share with all of you...

Casey in the heaviest jacket found in the Apts. She was swimming in it... and just putting it on was a feat of strength!

KUNG FU CASEY! You may not be able to see it very well... but it is very kimono-esque in nature...

This little ditty was one of the first things we found. The dress made me laugh... so I put it on. :o) This really reminded me of the rummage sales at FPC--trying to see who can find the most ridiculous article of clothing to model for everyone!

This one I actually LIKED! If I were not a missionary in Mexico, knowing that there are people who need this clothing FAR more than I do, I would have swiped it. It made me laugh and reminded me of Kristiana because she has this amazing knack for taking the most ridiculous items and making them look good. This retro-ish piece reminded me of her... :o)

Oh Musta-dee!

2008-11-20T12:59:00.000-08:00

So we got a Christmas Tree on Saturday. :o) Above is a picture of a very happy girl hugging her tree. Never thought I'd be a "tree-hugger"... but my oh my how life surprises us!

BTW-- yes, that is the car I drive. No, it has no rear-view mirror. Yes, the steering wheel is upside-down, and, true, it has no shocks. We love the big truck... it is a monster.

Below are pics of our decorated Christmas Tree. We are poor and far from home, so decorations were all made by hand (minus the lights). And while those of you who know me well KNOW that I would NEVER put colored lights on my tree, we put colored lights on it because all the decorations were white and we needed some color. It is very Charley Brown in nature, but we love it all the same. Please note the amazing star Sarah made. It rocks. Thanks to Horeb and Reynerio, it stays up there. :o)

It's laundry day...

2008-11-15T09:33:00.000-08:00

We're at Rick and Tammie's doing our laundry... and when you are at some one else's house doing your laundry, there really isn't much else you CAN do besides wait.

Because I have not been a very faithful blogger in the past few weeks, I decided today would be a good day to catch you all up!

Rick and Tammie came back... YAY! As we all anticipated, there were changes and adjustments to be made, even aside from just moving back to the Second Floor. God is a good God and holds our hands through changes and all is well. We're really excited to be working with Rick and Tammie and it has been great to get to know them better in the last two weeks. Our schedule changed drastically because we are no longer visiting all the churches in the region. It's funny because as crazy as it was to go to church every night, I'm now realizing how much I miss the people from all the different churches. It feels weird to not see everyone at least once a week. I guess you don't realize how much you really appreciate people until you don't see them. (Gee--that doesn't sound famililar at all...)

Instead of hopping from church to church each night, we have been split up (the three of us) between the churches and are working directly with one pastor each to support him and his church. There are now four churches in the Maneadero area that we are working more closely with, and out of those four, each intern has been assigned a church. I am with Faustino and his church, "Camino de Cristo".

In addition to being assigned to a church, the three of us are also going to be teaching English classes at the Boys' Home that was built by short-term teams coming down here and is being run by a member of Faustino's church, Juan. We are still working out the kinks of trying to find a curriculum and resources, but this should be getting off the ground in the next week or two. Please be praying for the boys and for us as we try to figure this out. Sarah has some experience teaching English, and I have teaching experience, but without guidelines, this is kind of a hard task to tackle. Perhaps my teaching training will be my downfall because I need units and organization for the lessons... I'm thinking about this like a teacher. So please be praying for all of us as we figure out how this is going to work.

And apart from all of this, we are helping Rick and Tammie with short-term teams when they are here. It is a really funny dynamic to be the intern on this side of a short-term team and not one of the team-members. We had our first team last weekend and it was a good experience. I definitely have a lot to learn, but I think this is going to be really cool. I was telling Tammie that I was having a hard time separating myself as an intern and not becoming part of the team. I'd really appreciate prayer for that as we have teams coming in--Tammie replied with a resounding "YES!" when I said that because what they need is people to help them run the ministry, not extra short-term team-members. So separating myself and understanding my role as an intern and not a short-termer will be a challenge, but that too will come with time.

In other news... I had a birthday last week. Haha... it was a great day--very sunny! I think this was my first birthday ever in which I wore a T-shirt outside and was sweating... a very strange feeling for November. It was a very different day because we still didn't have internet, so I wasn't able to Skype my mom or sibs... Believe me--this isn't a pity party... I'm actually trying to tell you how wonderful it was to be here on my birthday in spite of all of that! I woke up to quite a few texts from friends here wishing me a very happy birthday, followed by phonecalls and visitors! It was pretty sweet. Then in the evening, we had a surprise birthday dinner at Rick and Tammie's.

I think the best part was the adopted Mexican tradition of the "mordida" (little bite). When it's your birthday, after they sing to you and you blow out the candles, everyone starts chanting "mor-di-DA! mor-di-DA!", meaning they want you to take a small bite out of the cake. I'd seen it once before and they SHOVED the guy's face into his cake... I leaned forward to take a bite, certain of my pending doom, and my face was shmooshed into the cake by Jon (Rick and Tammie's oldest son). For as scared as I was for them to do it, it really wasn't all that bad--other than having icing all over my face and up my nose. For pictures of the lovely evening, check out Sarah's blog. There's a link to the right.

And thus endeth the very short recap of my life in the past two and a half weeks. Things have been crazy, fun, busy, changing, different, and always full of growth! I feel really blessed to be able to serve down here with Rick and Tammie and all these churches. God is showing me a lot about what it means to really serve and to follow Him where He wants us.

time to catch you up... at least a little...

2008-11-11T16:28:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

21:37 PST

Psalm 103 rocked my world this morning. I want to share with you all the first few verses, but the whole thing really is awesome.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

all my inmost being, praise his holy name,

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Oooooooh psalm of David. I love the way David lists all these “benefits” of God. It’s funny because when you think about it, they really are all benefits for us—benefits we definitely do not deserve!

As I’ve been reading through 1Samuel, I’m consistently interested in the fact that David has found favor in God’s eyes. In fact, all over the Old Testament, there are people spoken of who prosper because they have found favor in God’s eyes. They seek his face, they obey him, and very often, they do extraordinary things (because God enables them, of course).

As I move through my days, I wonder what the daily life of great men like David or Joseph looked like. Did it look anything like mine looks now? I wonder what Ruth was like and how she came to love her mother-in-law so deeply. Do any of my relationships resemble the faithfulness and commitment Ruth felt? Big things come up in their lives and they have to seek God, but what did a normal day look like for them? What was in their hearts that was so pleasing to God?

All over the Bible, and here in Psalm 103, it says that God loves those who fear him. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him. Ps 103:11 This is not a new concept, and I know that in reading Psalm 103 this morning, it was not the first time this idea was brought up.

Sometimes, I fear, the Bible seems very vague to me. Fear God. Love God. Obey God. Those are all very cut and dry, very clear directions. The grey area enters in when we actually try to live those directions out. What does it look like to fear God? What does it look like to live a life that shows that you love God? What does it look like to obey God?

I find comfort in the fact that He will make my paths straight and reveal to me what He wants from me as He sees fit. I also find comfort in the fact that my path will not be identical to anyone else’s, so I can’t sit here and compare my self to everyone else constantly. It is about God and me, and following Him.

I want to live a life that shows that I love God. I want to love God. I want to be the aroma of Christ.

I think the first steps lie in knowing who God is, and that’s exactly what these first verses of Psalm 103 tell us. God is a God who loves us enough to redeem us from the pit. God satisfies our desires with GOOD THINGS. Knowing those things, knowing him, and relying on His promises, I think are the first steps toward living a life that glorifies him.

Sunday—November 2, 2008

10:02 PST

So we’re back at the SP (Segundo Piso), and we are waiting on TelNor to come and give us our phone line we paid for so we can get internet access. Casey and I are finding, however, that lack of internet boosts our productivity. I’m sure most college students find this to be ridiculously true because while internet access is a must for research and communication in our techie age, it is also a HUGE source of distraction and facilitator of procrastination, especially when there are things to be done!

Being back at the SP means that Rick and Tammie are back! Yay! We have been anticipating their arrival for quite some time now! We love what we are doing, but we are eager to get to work with them and be more involved in ministries. They came home on Friday, and they reminded me of my family. They came in like a whirlwind. They unloaded two very full, very large cars while the kids excitedly took in the familiar surroundings of their home.

I hadn’t realized how quiet our lives had been up until this point. With just Casey and me living in the house, it was a very tranquil existence. Not to say that we were necessarily extremely quiet—you all know that is practically impossible for me. But in comparison to the action that takes place in the house when the Romanos are there, it was a chill life. Kids take life up to a whole different level. I appreciate the vivacity and excitement the Romanos bring. I appreciate the familiarity of their ridiculously crazy existence (meaning the running all over the place, siblings bickering on occasion, and a dull roar always emitting from them as a unit). It feels normal. It feels nice. It feels like a family. Sometimes it brings pangs of longing for my own ridiculously crazy existence with my own family, but knowing that I can get a piece of that here, makes me excited.

Casey and I were discussing a few weeks ago how we really don’t know the Romanos. Yet, we missed them. It is a funny kinship we feel with them already, and still anticipation to build strong relationships with them, just like we’ve built with the Mexican church here. They are such an awesome couple, with such fire, passion, and drive to serve God here. The amount we can learn just by working alongside them is staggering. And even more exciting is the fact that they told us that they are the kind of people who like training and mentoring people in ministry—that’s the kind of heart they have. It just makes me want to know them better.

I would ask that you pray that we have time to do all this. We are realizing how incredibly difficult it is to minister well to six churches and how stretched Rick and Tammie must be. There are so many needs, there is so much going on, and Rick and Tammie are still pushing forward, serving God, and making the ministry stronger and stronger with God’s help.

Fasten your seatbelts everyone… life is about to pick up drastically in pace. 

long time no post...

2008-11-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

internet has been dodgey... my computer crashed... :(

i will post soon. have to figure out details.

i'm alive. fear not.

love love love you all.

in the meantime, check out sarah's and casey's blogs for updates on life.

October Newsletter

2008-10-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends, Family, and Partners in Mission,

I can hardly believe that another month has gone by! Casey (my co-intern) and I marvel daily at the fact that we are actually living in Mexico and doing all that we are doing. Time is moving along so quickly here!

In this past month, we have continued to visit the churches and get to know the pastors and the congregations. Our schedule involves going to a different church service every night of the week at a different church, and two services each Sunday. Because we are working with the six different churches, we put a lot of thought into where we go to ensure that we are visiting them all equally.

We're past the "new kid" stage here. We know the churches, and they know us. We are greeted warmly in each church, but the greetings are different now because the relationships are different, more developed. It is funny to think back to just two months ago, and think about the "deer in headlights" look we must have given everyone then, and rejoice now at how far God has brought us in our relationships.

In addition to visiting churches, we also have been inviting the pastors over for dinner and time to fellowship. This has been a great way to invest in these relationships because it is a time to get to know them better, share our stories, and share our hearts. Because we are not leading any ministries in any churches at this time, it has been a great way for the pastors to get to know us as well!

We also have been acting as liaisons between the pastors and our missionary hosts (Rick and Tammie Romano) as they are touring the US to raise support for the ministry and further build relationships with the churches that come down to Ensenada to work with us. It has been a great opportunity and blessing to be able to be this involved with the ins and outs of the ministry. Because the pastors must go through us to talk to Rick and Tammie at this time, we are gaining good experience in the nitty-gritty of the ministry.

A major portion of our time at this point has been dedicated to our studies. A dynamic of this Praxis year involves Biblical and Mission studies. We meet with our teacher, Chuck, twice a week to discuss the studies and study independently each morning using the materials he has given us.

This month, we have focused on the book of Colossians and different techniques of Bible Study. Each unit focuses on a different study method, each one moving from observation and questioning to application.

As we send all our work to Chuck, who is in California, via e-mail, we essentially have a personal biblical tutor. He sends back feedback and questions to push our thinking and processing. It has been a very cool process and I have been amazed at how much I have been pulling out of each study.

These studies were slightly intimidating for me at first because I have no training in theologies or formal Bible studies. However, it has been a blessing to be able to discuss all these things that are so new to me and so relevant to our lives, both at home and in Mexico.

Above is a picture that was taken on October 4th outside the Alex Campos concert. They had a parade to escort us all into the concert.

Talking sincerely…

A few nights ago, we went to Roca Fuerte (Strong Rock) church. Casey and I have been trying to get a feel for all the ministries at the churches, so when the children left for "Kiddie Church", I left with them. Roxsy, the pastor's wife, normally leads children's worship, but due to unforeseen circumstances, she was unable to prepare the lesson. She asked me if I could do something, and we wound up teaching the story of Joseph, together. It was nice to be able to help out in a pinch, but the best part was the time we had to talk afterward. Roxsy shared with me a lot of things that had been on her heart about their church and the things she was struggling with. It was a great time to talk about the issues the churches here are having, get to understand her better, and pray for her and Roca Fuerte. Encouraging the pastors in their ministries is one of the big goals Casey and I have here; and to be able to start doing that because our relationships have a strong base now, was so exciting!

Let's get personal…

This month has really been full of a lot of ups and downs for me. Homesickness finally set in, providing some downs, but God has also shown up in powerful ways, with some awesome ups! One such up is that I was baptized on Oct. 5 in the Pacific! After much prayer, I made the decision to be baptized in obedience to God's command for all believers. We had been studying baptism in our Bible Institute with Pancho, and I decided to respond to God's call.

Casey and I have also been praying that God would give us His eyes to see where He wants us to work and what He wants us to do, and it has been awesome how He has been opening doors through conversations and the relationships we've built.

Above is a picture of Jesus and Leo (left and middle), two of the people with whom I was baptized. They are a really awesome couple. Please be praying for them because they might have to move from the area if they don't find work soon.

PRAYER IS FUEL!

Please join us as we pray for the ministry down here in Ensenada, Mexico. Specifically we ask that you would pray for these things:

o Unity among the pastors as they work together within the Alliance

o Guidance for Casey and me as we seek God's will for us within this ministry

o Safety for the children, as October is a month in which many children are kidnapped and sacrificed by the Satanists (a practice that is much more common here than in the US)

o Flexibility as life is going to change drastically when Rick and Tammie get back to Mexico and we start different work with them

Thank you for all your prayers. It is an encouragement to know that so many of you are interceding on our behalf!

love.love.love

Casa Gabriel (Gabriel House)

2008-10-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

::Background info:: Gabriel House is a ministry that houses and cares for children with special needs here in Maneadero, Mexico. I went today to visit to set up a time for a short term team to come work with the ministry in June. I had never met any of these people before, and was being oriented slightly with the ins and outs of the ministry, while metting the children and the people who run the program.

The sun was warm on my face and arms. The sound of children laughing and playing sang joyfully in the background as I was being given an explanation of Gabriel House. I had been playing with a little girl named Irene, helping her on and off the trampoline, and now she was in my arms.

The explanation paused, and suddenly I heard, "So I see you've met Irene. She is 5 years old, but she's not as active as she should be because we have her on sedatives. She has ADD and is HIV positive. Due to her ADD, she has been overly active and excited, and bites people..."

The rest of the explanation fell on deaf ears because I was immediately transported to a different world. I thought of how many sermons and talks I had heard about people suffering from HIV, and suddenly, all those people and this big disease that before seemed so far away were crashing into my world. It was no longer a disease that I know about because Bono speaks out about it. It was no longer a (RED) GAP shirt that I wear to show solidarity for a cause. It was no longer a red bracelet around my wrist; no longer a month in which we wear red ribbons on our shoulders. It was (and is) a disease running through the veins of little Irene in my arms.

Sadly, in the shock of this knowledge, my initial reaction was to think about my own health. I felt my body tense with momentary fear. I instantly felt guilty for my selfishness. I thought about all the times I had been taught exactly how HIV is transmitted, and knew that holding this little girl was actually somewhat dangerous because of her biting problem, but I felt my arms wanting to hold her tighter and show her that I cared about her.

This all happened in an instant, in just a moment in time, but the impact it had on me will be everlasting. My heart aches for Irene and all the other children in Gabriel House that are affected by HIV. I'm overwhelmed with emotions I don't even know how to express.

Words are not enough to express the intensity of emotions that are running through me right now. I have never personally encountered HIV before now, and any of you who have, probably know the kind of feeling I'm talking about, but it isn't just shock, there is something so much more here. All of me aches from this emotion that I cannot adequately express with words. I'm sorry that this is so jumbled and all over the place.

I don't know where these feelings will lead me or how the Holy Spirit is moving in my heart exactly at this moment, but I do know that my heart is different. The feelings are too strong to ignore and there is no doubt in my mind that God is showing me something here. Please pray for me as I try to discern what it is.

Baptisms!

2008-10-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

On October 5, 2008 I was baptized on the Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Baja California, Mexico.

This is something I have been thinking about doing for a long time, but waiting for confirmation from God.

Mat. 28:19, 20 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that baptism saves you, but Jesus DID command his disciples to go out and baptize in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Baptism is done when someone repents of their sins and turns to God as an outward sign of our commitment to follow Christ. It is a symbol of my willingness and commitment to live with Christ and partake in His life, death, and resurrection. I was baptized as a baby in the Episcopal Church, but that was not my decision. Since I HAVE made a decision as an adult to follow Christ, I wanted to make that declaration for myself and obey His command to be baptized as a believer.

There were 6 of us who were baptized, two at a time. It was really awesome to be baptized with these people, especially Chuy and Leo, a couple from Reynerio's church. They recently made the decision to follow Christ and are SO on fire! They were both so excited to be baptized. I've been able to get to know them better in these past two months and they have a VERY special place in my heart.

Below is a slideshow of some of the things we've done in October -- the concert, the baptisms, and Beer-in-the-Rear Chicken (HEY! it merited photos!)... enjoy!

Three musketeers...

2008-10-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

BTW-- we are soon to be three instead of two...

Another lovely young lady named Sarah will be joining our Praxis number in November. She was here this summer and will be back to work with us for the rest of the year. :o)

Casey and I are really excited... it's gonna be great.

Variety is the Spice of Life

2008-10-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing you're all getting bored with these heady and seemingly very unhelpful updates about what I've been up to here in Maneadero. I get caught up between pouring my heart out into cyberspace and giving you all tangible things to think about!

Just to give you an idea... Last weekend was jam-packed. Saturday, we drove down to San Quintin in the van (which Casey and I have lovingly dubbed the "Man Van").

One thing I am quickly learning is that EVERYTHING in life is an adventure. :o) It was an adventure just organizing this trip because between all of us who wanted to go, we had to figure out who could drive. There were about 30 of us who WANTED to go, but no one has cars that can make the two and a half hour trip to San Quintin (besides us with the Man Van). Not wanting to squeeze 30 people into the van and be responsible for them while driving down crazy winding highway in Mexico, I had to put my foot down and only take as many people as I had seat belts (8). That's not the Mexican way, but, like I said before, I'm not Mexican. :o)

So in the end, only about 20 of us went, and Isai's car was packed well up to maximum capacity, not at all taking into account the number of seat belts. But even once we had the transportation settled, it was crazy to figure out when to leave. We agreed, after much discussion, on 12pm, in order to get to San Quintin with enough time to enjoy the festival and then be there for the concert.

We have a running joke here that whenever you make plans with some one, and you set a time, you usually also have to specify whether you are talking Mexican time or American time. American time means that it WILL happen at the hour agreed upon, Mexican time, however, means that you could wait up to an hour, or even hour and a half, before the plans actually come to fruition.

We wound up leaving on Mexican time... 1:15pm on Saturday. After much waiting, stalling, coordinating, we were FINALLY on the road to San Quintin for this concert that was promised to be AMAZING! Casey and I really wanted to get there because, thinking like pragmatic americans, if we were going to drive 5 hours (there and back) for this thing, we wanted to at least BE in the place we were going longer than the travel time it took to get there and back! With each minute that passed our pragmatism diminished slightly...

So, we were at least on the road at 1:15--not so bad. We're driving along, I'm following Isai because I have no idea how to get to San Quintin, and after about 15 minutes of travel, Isai pulls off the highway and into the "parking lot" of a convenience store... mind you, we had just been at a gas station where they had a convenience store only 15 minutes earlier...

I'm the kind of person who embarks on a road trip and DRIVES until the gas tank runs out, making people "hold it" until we either run out of gas or reach our destination! (Must have something to do with how we did road trips growing up...) Casey and I exchanged glances and both threw our hands up in the air... "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!". We walked in, grabbed some grub with the rest.

::NOTE:: Please know that all this is being written with a huge smile on my face, because you can't help but embrace the differences in culture, the differences in views on time, planning, and road-tripping. I LOVE these people and it makes me laugh to experience all these things that are SO far out of my normal realm of experiences. Please also note that not ALL Mexicans show up late. Very many of my friends here try to be VERY conscientious of punctuality ::NOTE::

The trip itself was not all that bad. We drove down highway 1, the only "major" highway that goes from the top of Baja to the bottom. It was windy and curvy and nestled in the mountains that run along our beautiful peninsula.

We got to San Quintin at 3:30ish to find that there wasn't actually a festival at all, but rather, a long line of people waiting to get into the concert (that started at 6). So all our rushing and planning and pushing really was a joke in the end anyway, because we really didn't need to get there as early as we did! It seemed like icing on the cake of our day of inside-out, upside-down, cultural baptism by fire.

The concert itself was AMAZING! One of the best parts was that it was FREE! Other than paying for gas and food, we didn't have to pay a thing. The headlining artist was Alex Campos, who I had never heard of before. He is from Colombia and has a really cool latino rock sound to his music. I really enjoyed the concert and bought his CD on iTunes when we got home! His lyrics are really powerful and he has a great mix of sounds and beats on the CD. I highly recommended you go get it if you can (and if you speak Spanish)!

The concert ended at 11, we were all tired and ready to go home, but we couldn't find Perla and her friend Blanca. We sent the men out to look for her and the rest of us waited in the cars. Finally, the two girls materialized with the "search party".

The way home was fine, everyone fell asleep, but I told Casey that if she was going to sit in the front, that she wasn't allowed to fall asleep--it's the rule! It started to rain on the way home, for like the third time in the past 100 years (haha, not really...). Since it barely rains here, the people are not used to driving in the rain--they are EXTRA cautious, so cautious that they drive 20 miles an hour on the highway. It drove me nuts, but once you get to a certain point, all you can do is laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

Great day... great concert, great drive, great people, great cultural experiences, great cold weather... just great.

Then, on Sunday, I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean. They dunked me. I will have a whole separate blog on that complete with pictures and video once I get them from Casey's camera. I promise. For now, this blog post is TOO LONG, so I will leave you itching for the story of my baptism in the next post. :o)

Hurricane Norbert

2008-10-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

For all those of you who are concerned for our safety because you have heard that Hurricane Norbert is hitting Baja California this weekend, fear not... see below

Norbert will hit Baja California SUR... we are miles and miles and miles from where it is hitting our peninsula... so fear not.

I just thought I'd put your minds at ease.

Los anhelos de mi corazon

2008-10-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

It is very easy to get to a place, see what's going on, and become overwhelmed with what the people are doing, what the people want you to do, and lose focus of the passions God has laid on your very unique heart (because He has made all our hearts unique). It is very easy to desire so much to be a help that you will bend and twist what God has laid on your heart to make it fit the mold of what you are being pushed into.

There is definitely something to be said for flexibility and meeting the needs as they are presented before you, but at the same time, there is also merit in remembering who God has created you to be and what He has made you passionate about. Recently, I have been focusing so hard on understanding where my gifts can fit into the ministries that are already running here, that I have been trying to squeeze myself into a mold into which I do not fit.

God did not call me here to "be a Mexican". To all of you reading, that may seem quite obvious. You might even say to me, "Kourtney, that is quite silly! How can you be just like the Mexicans? You are American." But for some reason, I had this silly idea in my head that in order to be an effective servant and missionary, I had to meld into the culture and blend in perfectly. My unconscious goal was to "fit in" and work with the people by "becoming one of them".

I see now, that is pretty much an impossible goal. No matter how comfortable I become or how comfortable the people here become with me, I will never BE an inherent part of their community--"one of them", for lack of a better term. And, this is not a bad thing.

::Sorry if this all seems so very obvious to the rest of you::

I am currently enjoying the freedom God has given me to be myself among people who are inherently different from me and within a culture that is not my own. Up until now, I have been holding back on a lot of opinions, shying away from conversations on controversial topics, and trying to appease many of the very conservative beliefs surrounding me.

Now, instead of walking on eggshells, constantly being afraid of offending someone, I am enjoying the beauty of our differences. Neither one of us is better than the other, just different. And God did not create me just like the people here. In our differences, we are going to learn from one another.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going around picking fights with everyone or praying the Rosary (which would be a heresy to the Protestant Church here), but I am feeling free to express my opinions when the opportunity arises to discuss them. The key is not to blend in and pretend I'm just like them, but to grow together in mutual respect to come to a better understanding and better place, in closer connection with God.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14

I understand that this verse was not written to encourage our individuality and rights to self-expression, but as God is calling us to be the salt and light of the earth, He is calling us all to do it according to who He created us to be. Here, Jesus is getting at the fact that it is illogical to cover up the light He has put inside you, but this verse comes to mind because, in being salt and light, God is not calling us to be something we are not, but to rather be exactly who He has called us to be--His faithful followers. And as a faithful follower of Christ, I am obligated to bear witness to the ways in which He has worked in my life and how He has shaped me.

All this to say that not only am I praying that God would show me where He wants to plug me into the ministry here, but also praying that He would show me (and remind me) more clearly how my passions and who I am as a person fit into my calling of being a servant and a light among those in my community.

But in tandem with this, I also ask that He would continue to change and shape me. It does no good to settle into who I am at this very instant and refuse the Potter's hand as He works in me. Rather, I desire to stay true to the work He has done up to this point and still willingly receive the works that are yet to come, asking for wisdom to know the difference between the two.

Mission-minded

2008-10-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

This has very little to do with Mexico, other than the fact that people in Africa are suffering, just like the people I'm serving here... but for all of you who are mission-minded and have hearts to serve and give, I thought you might appreciate this. Please watch it. :o) Please consider giving.

The September Campaign Trailer from charity: water on Vimeo.

A small digression

2008-10-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

so because i love spain so much, and i've been looking for this video online since i got back two and a half years ago... my finding it now merits my putting it up as a remembrance of the previous time i spent in a spanish-speaking country

If you bake it, they will come...

2008-09-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

So first of all, I really want to thank all of you for your support (this whole past year, this past month, and this past week...). Your encouraging words have been a blessing. Thank you for your sincerity, thank you for your love, thank you for your prayers.

I have made a commitment to being honest in what I write to all of you, and I think this is important because I want to give an accurate and honest picture of what it is like to be here, specifically through the lens through which I see it. I have explained to my sisters on various occasions that sometimes, I'm reluctant to share some of the harder things because I don't want people to worry or to think that I am miserable here. But I DO want to share the hard stuff because, just like the good stuff, it is part of the experience. So, as I share, good and bad, it is not indicative necessarily of how life is in general at the time of the post.

That being said, thanks again for all your support and love in response to my last post. For me, it's scary to be vulnerable like that and share what's actually going on in my heart... so it was encouraging to receive encouragement and not panic.

_________ .. _________ .. _________ .. _________ .. _________

I've always heard so many sayings about feeding people and making them happy--"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach"and "An army runs on its stomach"...

I'm adding to that repertoire this quote: "If you bake it, they will come."

Here in Mexico, Casey and I are finding that food is one of the easiest ways to connect with people and "break the ice". The women here really don't bake, and whenever we make something, they are sure to tell us that they don't know how to bake. So when we make cookies, or muffins with the overripe bananas we have, or Mom's specialty carrot cake, the people here are VERY excited about the novel culinary experience of baked desserts!

So Casey and I go to many events armed with cookies or muffins. It is a great way to approach people (offering them something yummy and sweet), and then talking to them if they seem like they want to chat. And now people know that we bake, so they just show up and expect cookies or fun pastries. So, Mom, apparently all those times I made a mess in your kitchen, "playing Betty Crocker", were not a waste... :) And, Thatcher, you can be very jealous that I have already make two batches of the chocolate chip cookies for the people here, and they are enjoying them very much. :)

It has been a fun way to work our way into their hearts and be able to serve them. It has been a little scary, just because the preferred tastes here in Mexico are different than ours in the US. So when I make something, watching people take the first bite and waiting for a reaction is a little nerve-wracking! So far, the reactions have been positive... and they keep coming back to eat our food, so it must not be terrible.

Last night we hosted our first family for dessert and coffee. Pastors Francisco and Isaii and their families came over for Mom's Carrot Cake, Casey's peanutbutter cookies, and coffee. It was a great way to hang out with them and get to know them better. We chatted about a wide spectrum of things, from football, baseball, to how a pastor needs to dedicate himself to ministry to see his church grow.

Casey and I are often struck by how cool Pastor Francisco is, and how that coolness can sometimes be intimidating. He's a great pastor with an amazing heart and vision for his church. It's funny how when you respect someone so much and admire them from what you know and have seen of them, you wind up being nervous to approach them and talk to them. I'm glad we got over this with Francisco, because by NOT talking to him, we're missing out on a great relationship!

So it was nice to finally sit down and talk to him about his church, his experiences, his passions, where he feels God calling him, but to also just talk about silly things like the Mets and the Yankees and the 49ers and the Eagles.

So we shall continue to bake and invite people over. It is rewarding and quite fun... I never thought doing missions would put my baking to the test like this... :o)

the shortest distance

2008-09-17T17:33:00.001-07:00

"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor."
-?

To be perfectly honest, I have really been struggling in the past few days.

I have been struggling to understand exactly where God wants me to be within this ministry down here. I want to serve, but I don't know what it is supposed to look like. I want to encourage the people in the ministries and help them grow, but I don't know what I have to offer.

I have been struggling with a divided heart and divided attentions. My heart is in pieces as we approach the one year anniversary of my brother's death. I am overcome with grief and sadness at random times. I'm torn between being vulnerable with the people here about my struggles and just getting through this time with the support of Casey. I don't want to be dishonest, but I'm afraid the people here won't understand. From what I've seen, they view death very differently and process loss differently.

I have been struggling between being honest with my emotions and holding them back for a more "appropriate time". I am not usually one to cry with other people around, but the past two nights I have wound up in tears at the prayer services.

I have been struggling between helping and being helped. I need to be vulnerable and humble enough to accept support from my Mexican brothers and sisters, but I feel like I have nothing to give them in return.

BUT... oh there is a BUT...

Last night I had a moment of clarity. Up until last night, it was extremely difficult for me to pray alongside my Mexican brothers and sisters because of the way in which they pray. Everyone prays all at once, out loud. I am easily distracted and have not been able to focus my heart in prayer. Up until last night, I would pray in accord with whoever was praying the loudest. But, last night, I knew I needed to pray.

We were all on our knees, everyone was praying, and the process of despairing in my distraction started again. But God got ahold of me and said, "JUST PRAY!". So I started to pray. It felt unnatural and uncomfortable at first, but God focused my heart and I was able to enter into a time of honest prayer.

Praying didn't take away the struggles that are on my heart. Praying didn't heal all the pains I am feeling. BUT clarity came through prayer.

Casey and I have been saying that we want to dedicate more time to pray for the ministry and for God's direction, but it has only been talk. We have not actually gone to God on our knees and asked Him for direction.

As I was laying in bed last night, reflecting on the time of prayer, it suddenly seemed so clear what God was directing me to do: pray for His people, pray for His church, seek His face, and the rest will come when it needs to.

As far as my struggles with my heart and mourning my brother, He has called me to continue to pray about that as well. Pray for His guidance, His healing, His wisdom, His peace. Being honest with God about how I am feeling and what I feel Him doing is a powerful move. We can't hide from God, so why try?

"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray." James 5:13

I would ask that you, too, pray for these things. Please pray for the 6 churches down here. Please pray for the ministries. Please pray that God would clearly show us where He wants to use the gifts He has given us.

Please also pray for my heart. Please pray that I do not push emotions aside, but that I find a healthy and appropriate way to mourn my brother while still serving the Lord. In our weakness, God is strong and He will do great things through me in my broken state to bring glory to His name.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. It is encouraging to have people tell us that they are praying for us and know that you TRULY are.

Perhaps this will help...

2008-09-16T11:51:00.001-07:00

I just wrote a monstrous e-mail to people who had been asking me questions about life here in Mexico... a lot of basic stuff. I figured a lot of you would like to know the answers to those very same questions, so I am going to put this e-mail up on my blog as well.

I hope this answers a lot of your questions about what we are doing here.

_______ .. _______ .. _______ .. _______ .. _______ .. _______

Well hello there!

So many questions! Haha... Let's see if I can answer them all...

So, tell us more about Maneadero and your new home?

Maneadero is a small town outside Ensenada. It is about a 25 min drive into downtown Ensenada, give or take 10 minutes depending on time of day and traffic. Our "home" is right on the main highway (which very much resembles Rt 38 or 73 for its 4 lanes and plethora of businesses and stores that line the road). Obvioulsy, it looks nothing like Rt 38, but that is the closest comparison I can make. :o)

The poverty here is very much like what we have seen on the border. Some people have houses that are built from cinderblocks and have bars on their windows and such. Further off the highway here in Maneadero, there are many houses that have been put together with plywood and other random things that people can find to make into a house. The closer you get to Ensenada along the highway, the more put together the houses are.

Maneadero has two parts, la parte alta and la parte bajo (the high part and the low part). To me, the high part (which is called such just because it is higher in the mountains) seems to be more impoverished and has less businesses. I have been told, however, that the high part is safer. We live in the high part. The low part is closer to Ensenada and the houses are closer together, there is a soccer field, more gas stations, and apparently more crime and drunks on the streets.

All in all, I feel very safe in Maneadero. Our "home" is called the Segundo Piso (the second floor) because we live on the second floor of a building that doubles as a home and business. It is simple and pretty spacious considering the size of many of the houses here in Maneadero. We are working on getting bars on the windows to make it a little safer, and to prevent theft. Apparently most theft here occurs during the day and people usually suspect that it is an "inside job". So we just have to be careful who we trust. We are the only ones with keys to the Segundo Piso at the moment, so our stuff is safe.

Currently, we aren't actually living in the Segundo Piso. We are living in Rick and Tammie's house, house-sitting for them. Rick and Tammie are the missionaries who work down here. The left for sabbatical the first week in September and will return at the end of October. In their absence, our ministry opportunities are limited, but I will explain all that later. But for right now, we are living in their house, making sure it doesn't get robbed, and keeping an eye on the Segundo Piso as well.

Do you have far to go to work?

Well, in order to answer that question, we have to define "work". Work for us right now is getting to know the pastors in the churches, getting to know their congregations, learn about the ministries and needs in each church and pray about where God would have us work within the context of these six churches. Once Rick and Tammie get back, we will start working alongside them and work more directly with the churches and be more of an active support rather than the semi-disconnected support we offer right now. This is a very loose job description, but it is currently manifesting itself as going to ALL the church services each church has to offer as often as we can and as equally as we can. We are inviting people over for meals and to hang out, hanging out with the pastors and their families, participating and lending a hand with the different ministries they have (for example: Rosi and Ricardo have a good children's ministry, Reynerio does a movie ministry to get people to fellowship, Francisco is leading a Bible Inistute, and Ruben has AWANA going on at his church for youth). We have helped out with nearly all the ministries, but have been asked not to take any leadership roles in any of them at this time. The focus of this mission is to empower and come alongside the Mexican church to build it up, to help them build up leaders in their own church and not fill in gaps with Americans who will be here for a while and then leave. The idea is to help the mexicans take ownership of their own ministries and churches. So, for these reasons, our job right now sounds to be a little "fluffy", but Casey and I are taking it very seriously because we need to earn the trust of the people before we work with them and we also need to understand them and their ministries in order to avoid coming in with the wrong attitude and trying to add or change (all with good intentions) and then ruining everything because we acted before understanding. Training for short-term teams and our jobs while they are here will take place most likely when Rick and Tammie come back at the end of October and we'll probably get on-the-job training as well. So, to answer you question: the chuches we work with are all within a 15 minute drive. Work mostly consists of being at these churches or at the pastors' homes. So, no, work isn't far. haha

We aren't working on that church plant really anymore, or the youth center that was originally supposed to go up because the situation with the pastor has changed since the program was originally created. We are still working with the pastor, Ruben, but the church plant has morphed into a church adoption and the fascility for the youth center is already there, along with a strong congregation that could get it running. We will be helping with it for sure, but it is no longer one of our main focuses. There may be an entirely different youth center project starting up when Rick and Tammie get back, and we are really excited about that, and I would ask that you all pray about that because it is in the preliminary stages and we would love to see this get off the ground.

Is it hot?
Yes... dry and hot. still.... I went through three shirts all in one day... haha

What are the similarities to Acuna? Differences?

It is quite similar to Acuna, really only differing in the fact that we work with 6 churches, and not just one. The people work in factories here, too, and still have a hard time finding work. The tacos here are better.... haha.

The short-term teams are run generally the same. There is a VBS project, there is a construction project, we eat REAL mexican food, prepared by one of the pastors' wives. The construction is usually a house for church members or construction of churches.

VBS is kind of different because they do it differenly according to how many times a group has been back. Tammie told me that they invite groups who have never been here before to plan one good, full day of VBS and we travel to the different neighborhoods with that VBS. Another option is to do it like we have in Acuna, which is stay with one church and do a consecutive VBS throughout the week.

Another differenence is that they do trips Saturday to Saturday. We get to worship with the churches and it is a really cool experience.

Meals are eaten in a Dining Hall (which is actually the Segundo Piso). Most of the time, the pastors join us for meals and their families do as well on occasion. The last night is often dedicated to eating with the families we have served in the construction projects all week.

That's all I can think of right now... haha.

When do you anticipate your first mission team will arrive?

Well, we already worked with two teams. We weren't in charge or specifically leading the teams, but we helped with the many behind the scenes things that need to be done when there are teams here. Our next team is supposed to come over Thanksgiving. Rick and Tammie are currently touring churches in the states and filling our calendar for 2009. We are expecting teams in the beginning of December, January, and a team in February. All those are tentative commitments.

Once again... thank you so much for your continued support and prayers. I'm sorry I haven't e-mailed you all very much so far. I have been busy with services and taking care of business while Rick and Tammie are gone, but also, it is just hard to put all of this into words and explain it all. It is so different from what I had originally expected, and therefore, everything needs to be explained. Haha... I was praying before I came that God would keep me flexible because, going into this, I knew life never works out exactly as we plan it to. God has been faithful and has kept us flexible. :o)

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to make sure I gave you a clear, honest picture and explanation of what is going on down here! I hope it was helpful!

You can also be checking my blog (www.prayformexico.blogspot.com). I update it pretty regularly and I try to keep it up to date with the work we are doing here.

love love love you all!

Kourtney

Many adventures...

2008-09-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

So these photos above are from today (Sept 15), mostly, and man... are they funny.

Rosi and Ricardo are a couple that pastor a church in a community called Durango. Their church is Roca Fuerte. They have a pretty sweet children's program going. The kids from the community have memorized a ton of scripture (they actually put me to shame and challenge me to memorize more scripture). The pictures above are of the festivities that took place today with those very same children.

Rosi is completely invested in this ministry and is always conjuring up new ways to minister to them and have events for them. She cares about them so much and it is completely evident in how she works with them. Her heart is a heart for children's ministry and it brings me joy to be able to work alongside her.

So... today, Rosi organized a parade for Mexican Independence Day (which is actually tomorrow, Sept 16). The kids all got dressed up and we drove around the little community beeping our horns and yelling "VIVA MEXICO" (LONG LIVE MEXICO). The kids were SO excited to get all dressed up. The boys dressed up like Emiliano Zapata and the girls mostly wore long skirts and loooooong braids, dressing like the original indigenous women. Rosi let them wear her jewelery and made little sombreros for all the boys. MaryCarmen and I got sombreros too (as you can see in the photos).

It was pretty simple, but Rosi put in so much effort and planning to make this work. The kids truly enjoyed themselves. And it spoke to me of her heart for these kids and how much she really does care for them. So many of the experiences these kids have, they have because of the way God is working in their lives through Rosi. Without her there, they would not otherwise have this wonderful store of experiences.

Then, after the parade, we went to a "lake" and she bought a pinata for the kids to break. We piled tons of kids in our cars to drive out there and played games, took silly photos, broke the pinata, and then had a contest to see who could quote the most scripture. It was great.

The funny little puppet you see with MaryCarmen in the beginning photo and that you see me kissing is Fernando. He's quite the ladies' man. Casey and I found him in the apartments where we were storing a lot of the supplies the groups left for us. While moving the supplies over to the Segundo Piso to organize them, Fernando somehow never left the car. Now, because Casey and I often have occasion to have many people in our car, Fernando has met a good portion of our acquaintences. And above all, he is a GREAT ice-breaker. People jump in the car and he is the FIRST thing they notice. They grab him, ask questions about him, and inevitably someone puts their arm up his back and he comes to life. And the funniest thing is that he has the SAME personality each time. I don't know what it is about this little puppet, but he loves the ladies! Inevitably, he hits on whatever girl is in the car. It is hillarious. Casey and I have resolved to never let him leave the car because when he is around, our lives are never lacking in laughter.

Praise God for funny-looking puppets. Praise God for people with hearts for ministry. Praise God for children who scream "VIVA MEXICO" in little parades. Praise God for pinatas and silly children. Praise God that no one got hurt today. Praise God for pastors with hearts that are truly invested in their ministry. Praise God for pastors, period. Praise God.

OJO!

2008-09-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hey all! This just in... I added a slideshow on the right-hand side of my blog. It is a rolling show of pictures from here in Mexico to add to your viewing enjoyment. You can look at them here on my blog, OR if you click on it, it will take you to my picasa web album where you can see the larger images. Just a friendly fact for you all. Facebook was not cooperating with uploading, so I figured I'd go with old faithful (good old google) and upload them here instead! :o)

I am in love with google.

... and just in case you can't see the one on the right, here's another... :o)

Much overdue photos

2008-09-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

So to the left is our back deck. That big black tank is our clean water. We have to have a guy come fill it once every couple weeks (or when it's low)... haha.

Above is our bedroom a few days after arrival. We tried to make it homey. Haha. With the lack of dressers and nowhere to hang wet towels, we made due with what we had! :)

To the left is the dining hall, our living room. In this pic we have it set up for the group and we're eating Posole with the group from Big Bear, CA.

This is the view to the right of our back balcony. Maneadero is surrounded by mountains. I was told if someone from Montana knew that I was calling these "mountains" that I would get laughed at... but to this jersey girl... these are mountains.

Terrible picture above, but I drive in Mexico. Scary thought, I know. But hey... all those years of driving the burris bus did me good!

To the left, I'm playing guitar... haha. Obvious, huh? I'm learning. I was probably being corrected in this picture, hence the confused face.

Above is our absolutely very first picture in Mexico. Here we're in Santo Tomas (a very little village town thing in the mountains) at the opening ceremony of a Boys' Home. We'd been up for about 20hrs at this point... haha

On the left I'm sitting wit Lydia, a young girl from the church in Ruben's neighborhood. We went to Awana and I was helping her memorize her scripture. She speaks english and spanish and it was really fun to get to share with her in both languages. She's a really sweet girl!

On the right above is the "stage" at the opening ceremony at the Boys' Home. Miguel is on guitar, his wife, Adriana is in the dress, Leyda is in the green pants and Sammy, her husband, is on piano. Little did I know that these were the very people I would be seeing on a regular basis and hanging out with for a year!

So there you have it... a little taste of Mexico. There are more pics on Facebook, but senz explanations. :o)

Forever far from those you love...

2008-09-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

So Matt Peace came to visit us last week. He wanted to check in, see how we were doing and get to know us a little better. Matt Peace is the director of Short Term Missions with the Christian and Missionary Alliance.

As we were talking about this experience, what we (Casey and I) should expect, and how we are currently feeling, he told us that from this point on in our lives, no matter where we are, we will be far from people that we love. It sounded a little funny to me, but he explained himself: While we are here in Mexico, we are far from all those we love at home, but once we go back home, we will be far from those we have come to love here in Mexico. So from this moment on in our lives, we will live far away from people we love, whether they are our families or those with whom we have grown relationships while doing missions.

As I get to know the people here, share my heart with them and get to see more of their hearts, I realize the truth in what Matt shared with us. I can see myself growing to really love these people and appreciate them in all their uniqueness. There are so MANY different people here, and each of them bring something so beautiful to the body of Christ, whether it is their passion for service, their passion for the word, their passion for honest and healthy relationships, passion for children, or even just their good sense of humor... these people are working their way into my heart. I could feel it from the first moment I met them... but each day, it grows and grows...

Tonight we went for the first time to Gabriel's church. He is a young pastor, the youngest of all 7, and has the smallest congregation. They just celebrated their 1 year anniversary as a church on Saturday and were SO excited to be able to declare a year together in the Lord.

When we got there, Gabriel's face LIT UP! It was one of the absolute warmest welcomes we have received here in Mexico. He had only met us once before when we stopped by to meet him with Tammie. It was a VERY brief intro, and then we left. So tonight, we actually got to talk to him, meet his wife, fellowship with the few people from his congregation and then particiapte in their worship service. It was such a blessing to be there with them. He has a great sense of humor and really has a passion for the word of God. He really wants to challenge his congregation and with God's help, does a good job.

We got to hear his brother preach on Saturday night at a youth conference, and it is quite obvious that the good sense of humor and gift of preaching runs in the family.

Gabriel's parents are part of his congregation and they are an obvious support to him. They sat right in the front and offered confirming AMENs and ALELUYAs throughout the service. It was nice to get to talk to them and get to know them as well.

This congregation is little, but passionate. Gabriel's passion for the word is contageous and he clearly loves the people God has put in his path.

I'm really excited to see what God does with this congregation in the next year. Gabriel's wife was talking about starting a service of "pura alabanza", meaning just praise. She was really excited about it and hopes to get it off the ground in a few weeks. We shall see....

In the meantime, Casey and I are praying about where God would have us working once Rick and Tammie get back. Our time right now is to be dedicated to getting to know the people in the different churches and asking God where He wants us and where He wants to use us. So many of the churches are doing such wonderful things that I'm not even sure what I have to offer them. I can offer them my love and support... and any counsel I have for them would most definitely come from God, not me, because I really have nothing to offer.

Thank you all for your prayers and emails and updates on your lives... I really appreciate being able to stay connected to home.

PS- I made Grandmom's tomato sauce and had it for dinner tonight with Casey. :o) It was yummy. A little taste of home...

Corn Flakes

2008-09-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

So the people here can't say my name... at all. The bane of my existence is that I speak Spanish, but all native speakers have a heck of a time saying my name.

So Ricardo, one of the pastors, started calling me Corn Flakes because he can't remember Kourtney. So he's assimilating it to something he DOES know in order to remember it...

I called him corn flakes back... hopefully this doesn't stick

Smooth like buttah

2008-09-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

So I've decided that instead of trying to capture the entire experience in writing, I'm going to share stories as I go. Some will be silly. Some will be significant. Some will be profound. Some will be just plain beautiful.

Tonight I want to share with you about my first experiences DRIVING in Mexico. Once I got here, I knew i would be driving at least a little bit because rick and Tammie told us as much. Chuck had mentioned perhaps going out on a test drive in the van we are using to ease into the driving here. Mind you, driving in Mexico is not for the faint of heart. There are virtually NO rules. People fly all over the road and make turns when they shouldn't, zip out into the "highway" and nearly hit pedestrians on a regular basis. Just being IN a car here is an experience, let alone being the one driving!

So I knew I'd be driving because Casey expressed concern and fear about driving the van (very old, very boxy, very big vehicle that is ours to use for the year), while I informed Rick and Tammie that i am one of 6 and that I drove a suburban for a number of years. So my experience and fearless attitude (haha) gained me the position of chofer.

I wasn't expecting to have to drive until later on this week because Rick and Tammie just left today and Chuck is still here. BUT, Monday, Casey and I were over at R&T's doing laundry and hanging out when Tammie got a phonecall from Rick asking her to meet him at the mechanic's, and to bring me so I could bring the van back to the house.... baptism by fire. :)

Casey and I prayed before we pulled out into the street... but not until after i was made fun of (in a friendly, jovial sort of way) by the guys working at the mechanic's who were watching me try to make a K-turn in their little space so I wouldnt have to back out into the street.

Driving it was really awkward because it is such a big car and the roads here a bad, and the people are crazy. So I was driving like a granny and being very careful... we got home safely.

It was quite an experience... nothing catostrophic happened, but as we were driving I looked over at Casey and said to her,"See, this is one of those things you never envision yourself doing. When I was a kid, I never for one second thought that I would be driving a ridiculously huge van down highway 1 in baja california." We both laughed...

But the real point of this story is to tell you all that I've got this driving in Mexico thing down. There are lots of times when you have to make tight turns, turn around in awkward places, and back out of narrow places without hitting a large variety of objects.

I had two small victories today...

1) I backed out of the small space behind our apartment while being wedged in by another van, a sedan, 4 garbage cans, and cement fencing... all this was done with a great deal if finess and without getting as much as a scratch on the car...

2) We have to turn around each time we come out of R&T's house b/c it is a dead end. They live right at the very end of the road and it is quite narrow. The K-turn to be made usually involves going forward and then in reverse at LEAST 3 times because the space is so small... but I have gotten sooooo good that I juxt whipped around, reversed once, and did that turn... :o) And as we completed the turn, I looked over at Casey and said, "Smooth like buttah"... because that's what I am..

hahahahahaah. I crack myself up... Driving in mexico is quite an adventure...

Three posts at once...

2008-08-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

::NOTE:: Once again, this is written in Word… still no internet in the Second Floor ::END NOTE::

28-08-08

So yesterday we spent a large portion of the day over at Rick and Tammie’s planning things out for the year. It was really good because we got to know them better over the course of day. We shared our stories with one another and got to talk about what we would like to see happen in this next year. It was really good to be able to connect and share.

Rick and Tammie work their booties off and really love the people here. They really encouraged us to just start building relationships with the people in all the churches and even suggested that we invite them over for meals and just spend time with them… that made me happy! One of the things I had originally thought about doing was exactly that—invite people over for meals and hang out with them. So when they said that it would be a good thing to do, it made my heart really happy.

It has been amazing to just watch them work with the groups and see the relationships they build with everyone they meet. They both have a great sense of humor, but are really passionate and genuine as well. They truly care. It’s kind of sad that it is something that touches me so much, but I feel like people like them are really rare. God has them here for a reason and that is crystal clear. I’m really excited to work with them and learn from them.

So… last night was our first night without any real dinner plans… so we decided that we would try out hand at cooking. We went to Comercial Mexicana (which ironically is an American-owned store) and bought VEGETABLES! We bought broccoli, peppers, and tomatoes! We really haven’t eaten any veggies so far, so it was really excited to go through the fresh produce section and choose veggies to eat. We made a simple meal of pan seared chicken, sautéed vegetables, and twisty pasta. The broccoli cooked with garlic and olive oil reminded me intensely of home. It is the one thing my mom makes that I think I have down. I mean, broc and mac is really easy to make, so it really shouldn’t be such a source of pride for me… but my mom and I like it the same—a little burnt and with a lot of garlic—so it is exciting to know that I can make it just how we like it. And Grandma Terri would be very proud of all the colors on our plates. According to her, you should have a variety of colors on your plate to have a complete meal. Hopefully our veggie selections made her proud. J

Today we worked most of the morning studying the background of Colossians. Chuck has given us a variety of materials with historical, political, and cultural information. I’ve read through the book before, but now, looking much more deeply at the context and the purpose behind the letter, Paul’s words come to life with such vibrancy. So we are learning a lot and Chuck, being the wise leader he is, has picked Colossians specifically because of the parallels between Colossea’s background and the current situation here in Baja.

So life is good. We are learning. We are visiting people and getting to know them. We are sharing with people and learning the lay of the land. We are growing in faith and ::hopefully:: wisdom.

Thanks for all your prayers from back home. J

::NOTE:: Once again, this post is being written in Word on Aug 26 and posted at a later date… still no internet in the SP ::END NOTE::

Team building requires a lot of trust and vulnerability. It has been a cool two days in which Casey, Chuck, and I have gotten the opportunity to really chat things out, spend time getting to know one another, and be truly honest about how we’re feeling about how this venture is going so far. Rick and Tammie went up to San Diego with a team to debrief them, so Casey, Chuck, and I kinda bee-bopped around on our on these past two days. Intensive periods of time spent with people really facilitate the drawing out of deeper conversation and “true confessions”.

After spending this time with them, I can really see us starting to gel as a set of people who will be working together. We are building confianza, which literally means trust, but Spanish-speakers use it and for me in this context, it carries much more than that. It is more like a level of knowing some one and a level of comfort you reach with people…

We all shared our stories with one another (or at least most of the stories) and I was really amazed and strangely surprised at the ways in which our stories share unexpected similarities. Of all the people who could be coming together for this journey, God chose us three, and knew how our stories overlapped. He knew the shared burdens and hurts we have and the unlikely commonalities. So it is a blessing to have these two people here with me. They are unique, and quite special. They both bring very different things to the table than I do, and I appreciate that about them.

Today we met Reuben and his family (Elvira, Reubencito, and Abelito). It was cool to get to know him and hear about what God has been doing in him in the past 8 months and where he is now in his ministry. We went to the AWANA meeting at a church in his community and got to see some really cool stuff. I’d never been to an AWANA meeting before, so it was new and different.

::NOTE:: I am currently without internet in the Segundo Piso where Casey and I are living. Today is Aug. 25^th and this post will be saved in Word and posted ASAP ::END NOTE::

I had been praying that God would help me not go into this with too many expectations. From past experiences, God has definitely taught me that when we go into situations with specific expectations, more often than not, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. So in preparation for this journey, I was really trying to keep an open mind, and not expect too much. Alas, I fear it is impossible for the human brain, in anticipation of things to come, to not imagine even the concrete things that lie ahead (like our apartment, the churches, our bedrooms, the kitchen…).

That said, the Segundo Piso is the “Second Floor”. We live here, above a store, and it has been quite fittingly dubbed “The Second Floor” (henceforth to be referred to as the SP standing for Segundo Piso). Up until this point, the SP has been used as the dining hall and kitchen for short-term teams while they are here, and as living quarters for the summer interns. It’s a simple place, but I like it. We have a “wrap-around porch”… haha. It really serves as a thin balcony in the front and keeps its narrow character all the way to the back where there is a deck of sorts. The stairs to get up to the SP lead from the back of the building up to the back porch. So, effectively, the back door really serves as the font door, and the back deck is actually more like a front deck…

Casey and I are sharing a room with three bunk-beds in it. We are slowly putting up pictures and making the room more home-y. But, in all seriousness, this IS a year of missions… so we were never expecting the Hilton. :o)

We still haven’t had to cook for ourselves, so that will be interesting once it happens. I’m truly not sure when that will take place, but I’m excited to go food shopping and start getting things going. I already have some one who is willing to teach me how to make tamales (a classic Mexican dish).

Tomasa is Faustino’s wife. Faustino is the pastor of Camino de Cristo, a church we work with and serve and Tomasa makes the food for the short-term teams. Last night she made us tamales. Naturally, Tomasa is the one I told that I’d like to learn how to make tamales. Perhaps in the next weeks, as there are no short-term teams here, I can get a few lessons. I really like her. I had a chance to chat with her a bit and apparently I remind her of a friend she has that she’s known since grade school.

And following that vein… it has been awesome to get to know the pastors and their wives so far. I’ve met 4 of the pastors and 3 of their wives. It really has been a blessing to be able to talk to them and start to get to know them. I can’t imagine the struggle it would be to not be able to communicate with them. It is already intimidating enough to jump into their world, but to come in as a stranger who can’t even talk to them would be even more difficult. They have all been really welcoming and helpful. They are really eager to share with us and help us whenever we need it.

So life is good. Life isn’t easy, but it’s good. These are the people who I want to serve. I’m being stretched (yes, already), and God is being gentle with me. Things are moving along and it is going to be an awesome ride. J

More from Mr. Nouwen (or is it Doctor?)

2008-08-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

So as I continue to journey through this book by Nouwen, I am continually struck by certain passages and feel the need to record them somewhere.

I'm not sure if I like them so much because Nouwen is really reaffirming a lot of things I've been pondering as of late, or if he's shedding such new light on it...

God's really making it more clear to me how He's created my heart. That may sound really funny... "Kourtney, how do you not know your own heart?", but I think that part of growing up, maturing, and growing closer to God is getting to know who He has created you to be. There is so much that clouds our vision and keeps us from really knowing who we truly are versus who we think we are, who we think others want us to be, or even who we think God wants us to be...

So getting to know my heart is an enlightening journey. The more I get to know my heart, the more I understand what God has called me to do with my life. The more I know what makes my heart well up with passion and excitement, and even ache sometimes, the more I know that God is calling me to something specific.

With God's help, I'm weeding out what my own expectations for my own life are, the things I have identified myself with just for the sake of belonging to something, and casting off the things that God does not want for me. The battle of wills is probably the hardest out of those three...

So here's the piece from Nouwen:

"We are not called to respond to generalities but to the concrete facts with which we are confronted day after day. A compassionate man can no longer look at these manifestations of evil and death as disturbing interruptions of his life plan but rather has to confront them as an opportunity for the conversion of himself and his fellow human beings. Every time in history that men and women have been able to respond t the events of their world as an occasion to change their hearts, an inexhaustible source of generosity and new life has been opened, offering hope far beyond the limits of human prediction." Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

I think that very much like Nouwen had said earlier, it is not for us to become overwhelmed with the state of the world, but we are to respond in an effective way using what God has given us. I think action (versus avoidance) is most often an inconvenience to our plans, our ideas of what our lives should look like, and our level of comfort with the lives we lead. When we are faced with the evil and death in our world, God calls us to respond and we are consequently changed and molded as a result of that God-invoked response. He uses it to make us more into who He wants us to be.

There are so many tragedies that have happened in the history of the world. In school we learn both about the people who oppressed, the people who were oppressed, and those who came to the aid of the oppressed. We learn about the few Christians who helped the Jews in the Holocaust, we learn about the danger they put themselves in to save others. We learn about the Underground Railroad and the risks people took to save others from slavery.

As I remember these benchmarks in history, I can't help but wonder which group I would be in. I have never known oppression like that suffered by those in the Holocaust or the slaves in the US, nor, being exactly who I am today, would I have been one of the oppressed. So that leaves me either as the oppressor or the aid.

Aside from those remaining categories, there still lingers a third fourth group that is NOT mentioned in the history books: the onlookers. There were so many who did absolutely nothing at all. For this precise reason their role is not explored. However, this group makes up a vast majority of the contemporaries of these atrocities.

I think it is obvious which group we would like to identify with: the aids. We want to be the ones swooping in, bearing the name of Christ, extending the loving hand to work to right the wrongs of our times. But that is a scary place to be. It is SO much easier to be the person who does nothing. It is so much easier to pretend the world extends no further than my own sphere of experience and comfort.

Now, please don't picture me up on a soap box... Or perhaps I should just step down and clarify-- I don't think God calls us all to respond in the same way. For some of us, the drastic change, or what Nouwen calls "conversion" keeps us where we are, but shifts our perspective. Not all action will look alike, just like not all of us in the Body of Christ look exactly alike. We need hands, feet, hearts, legs, eyes, ears, pinky fingers.... all of it.

So my journey is to find out what exactly my God invoked reaction is supposed to be. What kind of transformation is He calling me to. How is He calling me to live out my life differently from the onlookers? I think Mexico is the first step... but I feel like this is leading to something so much more...

I can't wait!

Conquest

2008-08-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

This video gave me chills. I feel like a bit of a poser loving it so much because I'm NOT latina, but this is the kind of poetry that makes my stomach churn.

Being a Spanish major really opened my eyes-- Thanks Alvin Figueroa. History is written by the conquistadores, los vecedores...

WATCH IT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMAJ2ekvptw

The Burden of Reality

2008-08-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

From the depths I call to you, Yahweh,
Lord, listen to my cry for help!
Listen compassionately
to my pleading!

If you never overlooked our sins, Yahweh,
Lord, could anyone survive?
But you do forgive us:
and for that we revere you.

I wait for Yahweh, my soul waits for him,
I rely on his promise,
my soul relies on the Lord
more than a watchman on the coming of dawn.

Let Israel rely on Yahweh
as much as the watchman on the dawn!
For it is with Yahweh that mercy is to be found,
and a generous redemption;
it is he who redeems Israel
from all their sins.
(Psalm 130)

An excerpt from "Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life", by Henri Nouwen
"The Burden of Reality
Can we carry the burden of reality? How can we remain open to all human tragedies and aware of the vast ocean of human suffering without becoming mentally paralyzed and depressed? How can we live a healthy and creative life when we are constantly reminded of the fate of the millions who are poor, sick, hungry, and persecuted? How can we even smile when we keep being confronted by pictures of tortures and executions?

...

Maybe, for the time being, we have to accept the many fluctuations between knowing and not knowing, seeing and not seeing, feeling and not feeling, between days in which the whole world seems like a rose garden and days in which our hearts seem tied to a millstone, between moments of ecstatic joy and moments of gloomy depression, between the humble confession that the newspaper holds more than our souls can bear and the realization that it is only through facing up to the reality of our world that we can grow into our own responsibility. Maybe we have to be tolerant toward our own avoidances and denials in the conviction that we cannot force ourselves to face what we are not ready to respond to and in the hope that in one future day we will have the courage and strength to open our eyes fully and see without being destroyed. All this might be the case as long as we remember that there is no hope in denial or avoidance, neither for ourselves nor for anyone else, and that new life can only be born out of the seed planted in crushed soil. Indeed God, our Lord, 'will not scorn this crushed and broken heart' (Ps 51:17)"

I feel like these words express so perfectly the questions that have been eating away at my heart from the moment my eyes were opened to the world beyond my suburban circle of privilege. I often feel like Darcy, thinking that if I chose to care about one thing with great passion, I would have to care about ALL things with the same vigor, zeal, and commitment. Well that's just not true. God is doing a work in me, and it is not yet complete, but He will follow it through to completion.

There is still more yet to be revealed. There is still yet more to be created. There is still yet more to be experienced.

Waiting for my rocket to come

2008-07-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

Time is something very funny to me.

It slips by so quickly yet so slowly.
Measurement
counting how much time remains
counting how much time has passed.

"There's never enough time"
"Time flies when you're having fun"
"Do you know what time it is?"

I have all the time in the world
Never enough to be where I want
Never enough to be what I want
Never enough to know what I want

impatiently waiting
busily passing

i don't want to be bound
i want to be free
i want to savor

Keep your eye on the prize

2008-07-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Acts 20: 17-24

17From Miletus, Paul sent to Ephesus for the elders of the church. 18When they arrived, he said to them: "You know how I lived the whole time I was with you, from the first day I came into the province of Asia. 19I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested by the plots of the Jews. 20You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 21I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.

22"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

Italics added by me... :o)

TEST 1-2-3

2008-06-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

So this is where I'll be blogging my experience as I'm in Mexico... this is just a test to see if I can actually do this... haha. I feel like my mom. She always gets so nervous with new programs! I'm copying Marcos... so this is NOT original... i had a livejournal before.. but I am in love with google... so it makes sense to do this with them... :o)