However, being up in the States is an increasingly strange experience for me. Casey and I talked a long while back about how we were going to become part of the "Third Culture", a culture that is between Mexican and American--a culture that has elements of both, but is definitely not one or the other. Being a part of this culture is strange, especially in San Diego and the surrounding area. As I hear Spanish spoken all around me, I battle inwardly to know which language I should use to respond to people. When I opt for the Spanish, I'm met with faces that are more surprised than even those in Mexico. Suddenly it is hard for me to express myself in English and I find myself stuttering over simple words and phrases. I feel self-conscious about the clothes I'm wearing and the dirt on my sneakers. I feel self-conscious about the fact that I'm wearing sneakers.
I'm finding that I have grown to be comfortable as an American who lives in Mexico, but that I still can't find my place as an American who lives in Mexico and is back in her "own" culture. Honestly, I felt lost. For me, as a person who is most often sure of herself, feeling lost is a very foreign feeling. More than anything, I think it was disconcerting to feel so out of place in a world that should be my own. That's the trouble with the "Third Culture": we don't fit in either culture anymore.
This means that it's time to pray about returning home and reverse culture shock. I'm not going to worry about it because God will work it out and teach me great things along the way, but I need to be asking Him to prepare my heart. Please be praying with me!
When I think about it, this has been a week full of people being put in foreign situations! On Sunday, Cuquita taught the Children's Church lesson. She stood up front and read the story, asked good questions, gave a great explanation of how prayer was involved in the story and then proceeded to lead a great discussion on prayer with the children. She told me that she was terribly nervous the whole time, but was really happy to hear that I thought she did a great job (which she did!). She's not been a teacher before and if asked, would tell you that she's not comfortable being up front. BUT she's progressing step by step and it's so fun to watch her move forward each week!
John, Rick and Tammie's 14 year-old son is going to be giving a talk on Saturday to the other youth in Aposento Alto (Francisco's church). To my knowledge, this will be the first time he'll be doing something like this. It has been cool to talk to him as he prepares for this Saturday. I'm excited to go on Saturday and sit in the peanut gallery!
It seems that part of following God is following Him into the foreign places and trusting that He knows what He's doing. When we're in places we don't know, we are incapable of relying on our own strength or wisdom--we HAVE to trust Him. Maybe that's why it's such a great place to be! :)
Confía en Jehová con todo tu corazón y no te apoyes en tu propia prudencia. Proverbios 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
