Three posts at once...

::NOTE:: Once again, this is written in Word… still no internet in the Second Floor ::END NOTE::

28-08-08

So yesterday we spent a large portion of the day over at Rick and Tammie’s planning things out for the year. It was really good because we got to know them better over the course of day. We shared our stories with one another and got to talk about what we would like to see happen in this next year. It was really good to be able to connect and share.

Rick and Tammie work their booties off and really love the people here. They really encouraged us to just start building relationships with the people in all the churches and even suggested that we invite them over for meals and just spend time with them… that made me happy! One of the things I had originally thought about doing was exactly that—invite people over for meals and hang out with them. So when they said that it would be a good thing to do, it made my heart really happy.

It has been amazing to just watch them work with the groups and see the relationships they build with everyone they meet. They both have a great sense of humor, but are really passionate and genuine as well. They truly care. It’s kind of sad that it is something that touches me so much, but I feel like people like them are really rare. God has them here for a reason and that is crystal clear. I’m really excited to work with them and learn from them.

So… last night was our first night without any real dinner plans… so we decided that we would try out hand at cooking. We went to Comercial Mexicana (which ironically is an American-owned store) and bought VEGETABLES! We bought broccoli, peppers, and tomatoes! We really haven’t eaten any veggies so far, so it was really excited to go through the fresh produce section and choose veggies to eat. We made a simple meal of pan seared chicken, sautéed vegetables, and twisty pasta. The broccoli cooked with garlic and olive oil reminded me intensely of home. It is the one thing my mom makes that I think I have down. I mean, broc and mac is really easy to make, so it really shouldn’t be such a source of pride for me… but my mom and I like it the same—a little burnt and with a lot of garlic—so it is exciting to know that I can make it just how we like it. And Grandma Terri would be very proud of all the colors on our plates. According to her, you should have a variety of colors on your plate to have a complete meal. Hopefully our veggie selections made her proud. J

Today we worked most of the morning studying the background of Colossians. Chuck has given us a variety of materials with historical, political, and cultural information. I’ve read through the book before, but now, looking much more deeply at the context and the purpose behind the letter, Paul’s words come to life with such vibrancy. So we are learning a lot and Chuck, being the wise leader he is, has picked Colossians specifically because of the parallels between Colossea’s background and the current situation here in Baja.

So life is good. We are learning. We are visiting people and getting to know them. We are sharing with people and learning the lay of the land. We are growing in faith and ::hopefully:: wisdom.

Thanks for all your prayers from back home. J

::NOTE:: Once again, this post is being written in Word on Aug 26 and posted at a later date… still no internet in the SP ::END NOTE::

Team building requires a lot of trust and vulnerability. It has been a cool two days in which Casey, Chuck, and I have gotten the opportunity to really chat things out, spend time getting to know one another, and be truly honest about how we’re feeling about how this venture is going so far. Rick and Tammie went up to San Diego with a team to debrief them, so Casey, Chuck, and I kinda bee-bopped around on our on these past two days. Intensive periods of time spent with people really facilitate the drawing out of deeper conversation and “true confessions”.

After spending this time with them, I can really see us starting to gel as a set of people who will be working together. We are building confianza, which literally means trust, but Spanish-speakers use it and for me in this context, it carries much more than that. It is more like a level of knowing some one and a level of comfort you reach with people…

We all shared our stories with one another (or at least most of the stories) and I was really amazed and strangely surprised at the ways in which our stories share unexpected similarities. Of all the people who could be coming together for this journey, God chose us three, and knew how our stories overlapped. He knew the shared burdens and hurts we have and the unlikely commonalities. So it is a blessing to have these two people here with me. They are unique, and quite special. They both bring very different things to the table than I do, and I appreciate that about them.

Today we met Reuben and his family (Elvira, Reubencito, and Abelito). It was cool to get to know him and hear about what God has been doing in him in the past 8 months and where he is now in his ministry. We went to the AWANA meeting at a church in his community and got to see some really cool stuff. I’d never been to an AWANA meeting before, so it was new and different.

::NOTE:: I am currently without internet in the Segundo Piso where Casey and I are living. Today is Aug. 25^th and this post will be saved in Word and posted ASAP ::END NOTE::

I had been praying that God would help me not go into this with too many expectations. From past experiences, God has definitely taught me that when we go into situations with specific expectations, more often than not, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. So in preparation for this journey, I was really trying to keep an open mind, and not expect too much. Alas, I fear it is impossible for the human brain, in anticipation of things to come, to not imagine even the concrete things that lie ahead (like our apartment, the churches, our bedrooms, the kitchen…).

That said, the Segundo Piso is the “Second Floor”. We live here, above a store, and it has been quite fittingly dubbed “The Second Floor” (henceforth to be referred to as the SP standing for Segundo Piso). Up until this point, the SP has been used as the dining hall and kitchen for short-term teams while they are here, and as living quarters for the summer interns. It’s a simple place, but I like it. We have a “wrap-around porch”… haha. It really serves as a thin balcony in the front and keeps its narrow character all the way to the back where there is a deck of sorts. The stairs to get up to the SP lead from the back of the building up to the back porch. So, effectively, the back door really serves as the font door, and the back deck is actually more like a front deck…

Casey and I are sharing a room with three bunk-beds in it. We are slowly putting up pictures and making the room more home-y. But, in all seriousness, this IS a year of missions… so we were never expecting the Hilton. :o)

We still haven’t had to cook for ourselves, so that will be interesting once it happens. I’m truly not sure when that will take place, but I’m excited to go food shopping and start getting things going. I already have some one who is willing to teach me how to make tamales (a classic Mexican dish).

Tomasa is Faustino’s wife. Faustino is the pastor of Camino de Cristo, a church we work with and serve and Tomasa makes the food for the short-term teams. Last night she made us tamales. Naturally, Tomasa is the one I told that I’d like to learn how to make tamales. Perhaps in the next weeks, as there are no short-term teams here, I can get a few lessons. I really like her. I had a chance to chat with her a bit and apparently I remind her of a friend she has that she’s known since grade school.

And following that vein… it has been awesome to get to know the pastors and their wives so far. I’ve met 4 of the pastors and 3 of their wives. It really has been a blessing to be able to talk to them and start to get to know them. I can’t imagine the struggle it would be to not be able to communicate with them. It is already intimidating enough to jump into their world, but to come in as a stranger who can’t even talk to them would be even more difficult. They have all been really welcoming and helpful. They are really eager to share with us and help us whenever we need it.

So life is good. Life isn’t easy, but it’s good. These are the people who I want to serve. I’m being stretched (yes, already), and God is being gentle with me. Things are moving along and it is going to be an awesome ride. J

More from Mr. Nouwen (or is it Doctor?)

So as I continue to journey through this book by Nouwen, I am continually struck by certain passages and feel the need to record them somewhere.

I'm not sure if I like them so much because Nouwen is really reaffirming a lot of things I've been pondering as of late, or if he's shedding such new light on it...

God's really making it more clear to me how He's created my heart. That may sound really funny... "Kourtney, how do you not know your own heart?", but I think that part of growing up, maturing, and growing closer to God is getting to know who He has created you to be. There is so much that clouds our vision and keeps us from really knowing who we truly are versus who we think we are, who we think others want us to be, or even who we think God wants us to be...

So getting to know my heart is an enlightening journey. The more I get to know my heart, the more I understand what God has called me to do with my life. The more I know what makes my heart well up with passion and excitement, and even ache sometimes, the more I know that God is calling me to something specific.

With God's help, I'm weeding out what my own expectations for my own life are, the things I have identified myself with just for the sake of belonging to something, and casting off the things that God does not want for me. The battle of wills is probably the hardest out of those three...

So here's the piece from Nouwen:

"We are not called to respond to generalities but to the concrete facts with which we are confronted day after day. A compassionate man can no longer look at these manifestations of evil and death as disturbing interruptions of his life plan but rather has to confront them as an opportunity for the conversion of himself and his fellow human beings. Every time in history that men and women have been able to respond t the events of their world as an occasion to change their hearts, an inexhaustible source of generosity and new life has been opened, offering hope far beyond the limits of human prediction." Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

I think that very much like Nouwen had said earlier, it is not for us to become overwhelmed with the state of the world, but we are to respond in an effective way using what God has given us. I think action (versus avoidance) is most often an inconvenience to our plans, our ideas of what our lives should look like, and our level of comfort with the lives we lead. When we are faced with the evil and death in our world, God calls us to respond and we are consequently changed and molded as a result of that God-invoked response. He uses it to make us more into who He wants us to be.

There are so many tragedies that have happened in the history of the world. In school we learn both about the people who oppressed, the people who were oppressed, and those who came to the aid of the oppressed. We learn about the few Christians who helped the Jews in the Holocaust, we learn about the danger they put themselves in to save others. We learn about the Underground Railroad and the risks people took to save others from slavery.

As I remember these benchmarks in history, I can't help but wonder which group I would be in. I have never known oppression like that suffered by those in the Holocaust or the slaves in the US, nor, being exactly who I am today, would I have been one of the oppressed. So that leaves me either as the oppressor or the aid.

Aside from those remaining categories, there still lingers a third fourth group that is NOT mentioned in the history books: the onlookers. There were so many who did absolutely nothing at all. For this precise reason their role is not explored. However, this group makes up a vast majority of the contemporaries of these atrocities.

I think it is obvious which group we would like to identify with: the aids. We want to be the ones swooping in, bearing the name of Christ, extending the loving hand to work to right the wrongs of our times. But that is a scary place to be. It is SO much easier to be the person who does nothing. It is so much easier to pretend the world extends no further than my own sphere of experience and comfort.

Now, please don't picture me up on a soap box... Or perhaps I should just step down and clarify-- I don't think God calls us all to respond in the same way. For some of us, the drastic change, or what Nouwen calls "conversion" keeps us where we are, but shifts our perspective. Not all action will look alike, just like not all of us in the Body of Christ look exactly alike. We need hands, feet, hearts, legs, eyes, ears, pinky fingers.... all of it.

So my journey is to find out what exactly my God invoked reaction is supposed to be. What kind of transformation is He calling me to. How is He calling me to live out my life differently from the onlookers? I think Mexico is the first step... but I feel like this is leading to something so much more...

I can't wait!

Conquest

This video gave me chills. I feel like a bit of a poser loving it so much because I'm NOT latina, but this is the kind of poetry that makes my stomach churn.

Being a Spanish major really opened my eyes-- Thanks Alvin Figueroa. History is written by the conquistadores, los vecedores...

WATCH IT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMAJ2ekvptw

The Burden of Reality

From the depths I call to you, Yahweh,
Lord, listen to my cry for help!
Listen compassionately
to my pleading!

If you never overlooked our sins, Yahweh,
Lord, could anyone survive?
But you do forgive us:
and for that we revere you.

I wait for Yahweh, my soul waits for him,
I rely on his promise,
my soul relies on the Lord
more than a watchman on the coming of dawn.

Let Israel rely on Yahweh
as much as the watchman on the dawn!
For it is with Yahweh that mercy is to be found,
and a generous redemption;
it is he who redeems Israel
from all their sins.
(Psalm 130)

An excerpt from "Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life", by Henri Nouwen
"The Burden of Reality
Can we carry the burden of reality? How can we remain open to all human tragedies and aware of the vast ocean of human suffering without becoming mentally paralyzed and depressed? How can we live a healthy and creative life when we are constantly reminded of the fate of the millions who are poor, sick, hungry, and persecuted? How can we even smile when we keep being confronted by pictures of tortures and executions?

...

Maybe, for the time being, we have to accept the many fluctuations between knowing and not knowing, seeing and not seeing, feeling and not feeling, between days in which the whole world seems like a rose garden and days in which our hearts seem tied to a millstone, between moments of ecstatic joy and moments of gloomy depression, between the humble confession that the newspaper holds more than our souls can bear and the realization that it is only through facing up to the reality of our world that we can grow into our own responsibility. Maybe we have to be tolerant toward our own avoidances and denials in the conviction that we cannot force ourselves to face what we are not ready to respond to and in the hope that in one future day we will have the courage and strength to open our eyes fully and see without being destroyed. All this might be the case as long as we remember that there is no hope in denial or avoidance, neither for ourselves nor for anyone else, and that new life can only be born out of the seed planted in crushed soil. Indeed God, our Lord, 'will not scorn this crushed and broken heart' (Ps 51:17)"

I feel like these words express so perfectly the questions that have been eating away at my heart from the moment my eyes were opened to the world beyond my suburban circle of privilege. I often feel like Darcy, thinking that if I chose to care about one thing with great passion, I would have to care about ALL things with the same vigor, zeal, and commitment. Well that's just not true. God is doing a work in me, and it is not yet complete, but He will follow it through to completion.

There is still more yet to be revealed. There is still yet more to be created. There is still yet more to be experienced.