::Background info:: Gabriel House is a ministry that houses and cares for children with special needs here in Maneadero, Mexico. I went today to visit to set up a time for a short term team to come work with the ministry in June. I had never met any of these people before, and was being oriented slightly with the ins and outs of the ministry, while metting the children and the people who run the program.
The sun was warm on my face and arms. The sound of children laughing and playing sang joyfully in the background as I was being given an explanation of Gabriel House. I had been playing with a little girl named Irene, helping her on and off the trampoline, and now she was in my arms.
The explanation paused, and suddenly I heard, "So I see you've met Irene. She is 5 years old, but she's not as active as she should be because we have her on sedatives. She has ADD and is HIV positive. Due to her ADD, she has been overly active and excited, and bites people..."
The rest of the explanation fell on deaf ears because I was immediately transported to a different world. I thought of how many sermons and talks I had heard about people suffering from HIV, and suddenly, all those people and this big disease that before seemed so far away were crashing into my world. It was no longer a disease that I know about because Bono speaks out about it. It was no longer a (RED) GAP shirt that I wear to show solidarity for a cause. It was no longer a red bracelet around my wrist; no longer a month in which we wear red ribbons on our shoulders. It was (and is) a disease running through the veins of little Irene in my arms.
Sadly, in the shock of this knowledge, my initial reaction was to think about my own health. I felt my body tense with momentary fear. I instantly felt guilty for my selfishness. I thought about all the times I had been taught exactly how HIV is transmitted, and knew that holding this little girl was actually somewhat dangerous because of her biting problem, but I felt my arms wanting to hold her tighter and show her that I cared about her.
This all happened in an instant, in just a moment in time, but the impact it had on me will be everlasting. My heart aches for Irene and all the other children in Gabriel House that are affected by HIV. I'm overwhelmed with emotions I don't even know how to express.
Words are not enough to express the intensity of emotions that are running through me right now. I have never personally encountered HIV before now, and any of you who have, probably know the kind of feeling I'm talking about, but it isn't just shock, there is something so much more here. All of me aches from this emotion that I cannot adequately express with words. I'm sorry that this is so jumbled and all over the place.
I don't know where these feelings will lead me or how the Holy Spirit is moving in my heart exactly at this moment, but I do know that my heart is different. The feelings are too strong to ignore and there is no doubt in my mind that God is showing me something here. Please pray for me as I try to discern what it is.
1 comment:
How great is our God, that He gives us the courage and strength and the angels to guard us . . . Kourtney, thank you for being there in our place to hold little Irene and whisper in her ear that God loves her. I thank God that you can be an angel there for us (me) and hold her. I would feel the same as you. I would stiffen, like you did. Who wouldn't? It is only natural. But the Spirit comes and releases you, as it did, so that God's love can then continue to flow through you. God bless you always!!!!!! How you are blessed and loved!!!!! Yes, you know who this is!!! Dawn
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