There are so many things we are doing here that fill my heart up with joy and excitement for ministry. I love people. I love being with people. I love seeing people grow. I love children. I love seeing children's faces glow with excitement when they know they've learned something. I love being approached and being asked by a group of smiling kids when they can come back for the next children's program.
While I love all of these things, and SO many more, there are parts of ministry that are really hard. As a member of a congregation, or just a Christian in general, I always held my leaders to a higher standard, expecting them to be more "holy" because they are pastors, youth leaders, staff workers, etc. Now, in a position of ministry (and not even a huge position) the tables have turned. I am on the other side, and I'm realizing how unfair it all seems. I am no more perfect or holy than ANYONE else just because I chose to say yes to God and follow Him down here to Mexico. I am no less sinful than the man who sells hot dogs in front of my apartment just because I support Faustino and Tomasa at Camino de Cristo.
However true all this is, it doesn't change the fact that I am looked at differently because of the calling God has given me. I know I'm an ordinary person with no special powers or abilities, but does everyone else really know that?
Where does this leave me? Much is expected of me, but alone I am capable of nothing.
I'm realizing that saying YES to God in answer to His call is so much more than transplanting my life and walk with Him to a different place. I didn't just say yes to coming, I said yes to serving God and His people here in Mexico. I said yes to being a support and leader to help grow the ministry and churches here. That requires a whole different attitude. That requires a change in perspective. Saying yes to all those things means I'm saying yes to a package deal.
If being a Christian means that you live your life under a microscope by all who don't share your beliefs, then being a Christian leader seems to intensify the magnification.
I can't be the perfect person they want me to be. I can't be the perfect example they want me to be. BUT with Christ's help, I can be who He wants me to be, and that's what really matters. The hard part is that now that I've said yes, He's calling me to bring glory to His Gospel, and not shame. He's calling me to bear witness to the transformation He's made in my heart.
That has always been the same--always been what He's asked of me. But to do that effectively here, it requires a different form of comportment. I know that I love Jesus and desire to serve Him, but do all my actions show that? Is it evident when I serve in these churches that my Jesus sits on the throne of my heart?
I want to bring glory to Christ's name. I want to show love in real ways. I want to lift Christ's name up with each word that comes out of my mouth. No one ever said it was going to be easy.
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